


Darkness Follows Him

by wildcat_88



Series: Darkness Follows Him [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assassins & Hitmen, Bodyguard, Caretaking, Coming of Age, Consensual, Dry Humping, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Graphic Description, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Puberty, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Russian Mafia, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Spanking, Teenage Rebellion, Underage Drinking, dark themes, it is short lived, kylo does have intercourse with another, reylo is always endgame, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-09 01:19:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17397347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildcat_88/pseuds/wildcat_88
Summary: Eyes dark like midnight.Skin made of alabaster.A man that strikes fear into the hearts of men with one look.A man that screams danger.My protector. My Bodyguard.I never knew that evil could look so beautiful until he wound up in my life.I hated him until I realized I couldn't live without him.Now, I'm lost.So very lost.





	1. Forsaken

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, I'm throwing stories at you all left and right lol However, I just want to say when inspiration strikes I've never been one to deny it and who better to share it with than all of you amazing souls!
> 
> I'm not entirely where the hell this idea came from but I have a plan with this one. It is a dark story, it will not be all rainbows and unicorns sadly enough. 
> 
> I just want to say how grateful to all the people who have been reading my stories from the start and are still with me to this day, thank you all so fucking much!! Also, to any new readers, I also want to say how happy I am that you are taking a chance on me and my stories. (It means the world to me).
> 
> Anywayssss, I hope you enjoy this story! 
> 
> Much love <3
> 
> Authors note:
> 
> Anything that you see in italics and underlined means they are speaking Russian :)
> 
> Also, I don't understand a lick of Russian, so google translate was my guide. Sorry if there are any inaccuracies!

Rey

Age 10

I press a palm to the pane of my window, the chill nips at my skin sending a shiver down my spine. A flash illuminates the night sky; a clap of thunder follows shortly after the lightning bolt. My eyes grow wide, the sight fascinating.

I waited patiently for another glimpse of the electric strike that my papa warned me may look enchanting but was very dangerous. Squirming where I sat, I anticipated when it would happen next. It did not take long for more lightning to flash and thunder to sound.

"Rey.” My papa's voice rumbled tearing me from the thunder show.

"Papa!" I bound off the bed, wrapping my tiny arms around his waist, fingers unable to touch. He chuckles a soft sound that always soothes me. He runs a hand over my head, I lean more into his touch, happy to see him now that he has returned after being gone for a whole week. I always hated when he had to leave on business, it made my heart ache. I would count the days until he returned reason why I stayed up extra late today just in case he came home. Now that papa was home I know my mama had already jetted off to France to see my auntie.

When I cast my eyes to his face, my smile turns into a frown seeing an angry bruise marring his right eye. He dropped to a knee before me. I took in his weary expression, worry settling into my heart. His calloused hands squeezed my arms, a forced smile appearing on his face.

"Papa, what has happened to you?" My palm settled on the warmth of his uninjured cheek.

"I am fine, child. There is no need to wear such a distraught expression."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, nuzzling the rough skin there. "I don't want to see you like this, papa."

He wraps me in his warmth, holding me impossibly close. "I promise everything will be okay."

My mama's friends say my papa is a bad man.

That he does evil things that will never be forgiven in the eyes of God.

My mama always shoos the remarks away, a smile dancing upon her face, eyes alight with disbelief, but what never fails to give away her lie is the way she fiddles with the pearl necklace pa gave to her on their twelfth anniversary.

My papa _is_ a bad man.

But not to me.

He treats me like a princess. My papa would do anything to ensure my happiness. The things he does do not matter to me, it does not waver my love for him.

"I know, papa. I know."

"There is somebody I want you to meet," he says softly.

We unlock from our embrace, he stands to his full height putting his hand out for me to take. Placing my hand in his, we embark down the long, winding mahogany staircase. My pa looks around, unable to find the person he is searching for. The one I am meant to meet. The door suddenly whips open, in walks, a man of a towering height drenched from head to toe. Shutting the door behind him, it creates a soft thud in the quiet space.

I hide behind my papa, peering around him to stare at the man. I can already tell he is much taller than my papa. He is dressed in all black with hair to match; it cascades down to his shoulders touching the fabric of his coat.

"Sorry, boss. I needed a smoke." His voice is rough, deep, nothing like I've ever heard before.

"You're soaked, Kylo. You're going to catch a cold." My pa scolds the man that towers over him.

"I'll be fine, boss."

My pa lets out an exasperated sigh as he places a strong hand on my shoulder coaxing me out from my hiding spot behind him. "Rey, this is Kylo. He will be the one taking you to and from school for the time being. Pa has some things to settle."

I flit my eyes to the man whose face I can see now. I internally scream, this man cannot be the one my father is entrusting to care for me. He looks like the monster that hides in my closet that my mama never believes is there. A scar cuts through the right side of his face, his skin is so pale he reminds me of a ghost, and those eyes… those eyes of his are void of any light. A massive paw sinks into his hair slicking it back, water droplets race down the curve of his cheekbone, a pink tongue swipes along his bottom lip.

I clutch my pa's coat, desperate for an answer as to why this boogeyman will now be the one to protect me instead of him, the one who I have looked up to all my life. My pa has always been my protector, he is my everything. I can’t envision a world where he is not there.

My pa can sense my terror. He lowers in front of me, his green eyes holding my hazels. "Kylo is a good man, princess. He would never hurt you. He is my friend and in due time he will be yours too."

"He is scary, papa," I say in a hushed whisper meant only for my pa's ears. Flitting my eyes to Kylo I can tell he has overheard the comment, he stands straighter, one palm resting on the back of his other hand in front of him. His jaw clenches as coal-colored eyes land back on me, I jump as my entire body blooms in goosebumps. I force my gaze back to my pa, shaking my head back and forth.

"Papa, pozhaluysta, on pugayet menya." It has been some time since I've spoken in our native language. For eight years I grew up in Russia, it was only two years ago when we moved from Kazan to a small town in Florida.

I attended an all girl catholic school that my pa thought I would thrive in. It was the reason why we moved in the first place or so I had thought until danger seemed to follow my pa everywhere he went. I would rather be in Russia where we had been safe.

" _Printsessa, have faith in me_." His lips press against my forehead, heating the spot.

 _" Don’t leave me with him,"_ I plead, tears have welled up in my eyes.

_" This is for the best, please understand."_

He stands, beckoning Kylo forward. "Kylo, this is my little girl, Rey."

I remain rigid at my pa's side, clinging to his coat like a lifeline. Kylo steps into my line of sight, the material of his suit clings to his body revealing all the contours of his muscular form. His features are still twisted into a cold, passive expression.

"Pleasure to meet you, Rey." His voice sends a shiver down my spine. There is a soft rasp to it; I would conclude that is due to his habit of smoking. Still, I find it almost pleasant and that thought alone is enough to frighten me more.

"Nice to meet you," I stammer casting my eyes to the ground.

"I have to go." The words that come from my pa's mouth don't register for a moment.

"Papa, please, you can't go!" I scream, a terror like no other icing my bones.

"You will be fine, Rey. Kylo will take care of you. He will do everything for you."

"He is not you, papa! Tell mama to come back!? Why can't she care for me!?"

His green eyes grow full of sorrow. "I will return soon. Until then, you be a good girl for Kylo."

He presses a kiss to my cheek, pulling out of my rampant grasp to keep him here with me.

"Please, care for my little girl." He says to Kylo clasping his hand on his shoulder ignoring my sobs.

"I would die for her." Kylo simply states my breath hitches at the words.

Without another look my way, my pa walks out the door into the stormy night leaving me with a monster. I am unable to stop the sobs that wrack my body, a feeling like I've never felt before settles deep into the marrow of my bones.

My first day in fifth grade would be tomorrow, back to a place I hated, the only upside of it all would be seeing my father each and every day. Whenever mama was out of town or he was I would be placed in the hands of the maid. She was not a kind lady, always yelling at me in Russian, and tended to be late picking me up from school. I told my papa how much I hated her. Needless to say, she ended up being fired immediately.

How could he not be there for my first day? And above all that leaves me in the hands of a stranger. How could he do this to me??

"Kotenok, vremya spat'."

The sound of his Russian tongue startles me. Meeting his gaze, I search for an answer to how he knows Russian, the entire time he understood what my papa and I were saying, yet, he stood there like he did not understand a lick of it.

"You are not my papa," I spat, stumbling to my feet wiping at the tears staining my cheeks.

"Thank you for stating the obvious. Now, it is time for bed."

"Ty monstr!"

"Yes, I am a monster," he mutters, stepping closer, my hand clutches the baluster of the stairs as he lowers to his haunches before me. "But I am not a monster you have to fear. I will be your protector while your father is away. I will do anything for you just as your father did for me. I mean it when I say I will die for you. _You can trust me_."

I search his eyes, flakes of amber fight through the black, a speck of humanity shines back at me. At first glance he appeared older, now face to face, I see just how young he is. He is barely a man if I were to guess I'd say he was nineteen or twenty at the most. There is a vulnerability in his eyes that most men don't have, I may only be ten, but analyzing humans, and their emotions have always been something that has mystified me. Looking at this man, all I see is a boy frightened and unsure of how to care for a little girl who only wants the admiration of her papa. He is nothing like the scary men that my pa calls his bodyguards.

"I'm going to bed." It is all I can manage to say. Hurrying up the stairs far away from the man with the sad eyes.

I hate that I want to make him feel better. Seeing people sad has always been a weakness for me.

I cringe at the thought that I want to know how he looks with a smile stretched across his face.

Yanking my covers over me, I fall asleep dreaming about the day my pa will return to me.

***

 I wake early to the smell of something absolutely incredible, getting out of bed is normally a feat for me but today I nearly trip over my covers to race down the stairs to see what it could possibly be. Entering the kitchen I see Kylo dressed in a black dress shirt the sleeves rolled up to his elbows revealing pale skin adorned by jagged white scars. I swallow hard wondering how he managed to get so many ugly looking scars.

He can sense my presence, I know that for a fact, yet, he acts like he hasn’t noticed me, placing eggs, bacon, and pancakes onto a single plate.

Suddenly, I feel warm all over; normally pa makes me get ready before joining him at the table. He says a proper lady will always be dressed in acceptable attire no matter the occasion. In my excitement, I had totally forgotten about throwing on my school uniform.

Kylo raises his dark eyes to mine. I'm surprised to see his lips hike up on one side.

"Morning, kotenok, hungry?" He asks, his deep voice holding gentleness to it I had not been expecting from a man of his size. I'm also surprised I don't mind him calling me kitten; normally I hate the pet names my father's bodyguards bestow on me.

I nodded, slipping into the chair where the pile of greatness is set before me. Taking my napkin I place it in my lap, picking up the correct utensils, and begin to slowly eat my breakfast. Papa says a lady will always eat with elegance and grace. He has instilled in me all things about being a proper lady and having good manners. It can make me feel overwhelmed at times but I know he only has my best interest at heart.

Kylo sits into a chair opposite of me, bringing a cup of what I presume to be coffee to his lips. He eyeballs me with a strange look that suffices to make me extremely uncomfortable. I shift in my seat finishing off the delectable meal, wiping my mouth off with the napkin.

"Thank you for the food," I say clearly, ensuring I enunciate all my words.

A scarred brow quirked high on his forehead. "Are you seriously only ten?"

I can feel my face heat, my eyes shifting to give him an incredulous glare. "Yes, what is it to you?"

He shakes his head, taking another sip of his coffee. Shrugging his shoulders once he places the coffee back on the coaster, he leans back in his seat eyeing me strangely. "You act like you're older."

Jutting my chin I slam my hands on my hips. "I _am_ a lady."

"Yes, you are," he says in an amused voice.

Without another word, I stomp up the stairs putting my uniform on with a lot less grace than I usually put it on. Once I cool off, I finish getting ready heading downstairs to meet up with Kylo. I find him outside waiting by a black SUV with windows so tinted there is no way you can see anything on the inside. A lit cigarette sits between two long fingers, his ebony gaze looking far off in the distance as if he is contemplating some grand thing. I only grow more skeptical of the enigma that is Kylo.

Moving closer, I catch his attention watching as he takes one last drag of his cancer stick before snubbing it out with the toe of his combat boot. He says not a word opening the door for me, putting his hand out to help me inside. I place my hand in his, mine tiny compared to his massive one. It easily encircles mine giving me the boost I need to get inside the car. Shutting the door behind me, he takes his place in the driver's seat and begins the drive to a school I can honestly say I hate.

It is full of preppy snobs that look down their nose at me because they have heard the rumors of what my papa does for work. The nuns scold me much too often to be considered normal, I'm sure they do it because they wish I didn't go to their precious institution. My papa is rich, they wouldn't deny his money. Lord, knows how greedy the religious "saints" really were.

We arrived a short time later, Kylo parks getting out of the car to help me out. I don't miss the countless eyes upon me and my new protector. I try to suppress the feeling of embarrassment washing over me, worrying my bottom lip, a habit my mama hates.

"Kotenok, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I grumble hiking my backpack higher on my shoulders.

"Let me hold that for you." His hand extends gently grabbing onto the strap of my backpack.

I hold tighter to it, tugging away from his grasp. "I can hold it myself thank you very much."

"Very well." He walks beside me to the doors of the school, my papa usually says his goodbyes here but Kylo keeps walking with me all the way until we reach my classroom.

"Goodbye," I mutter making my way into the classroom only to feel his presence still lingering behind me.

"What are you doing?" I hiss, trying to make him go away with the glare I'm pinning him with. I take a seat doing my best to ignore him kneeling beside me.

"If anyone gives you trouble, kotenok, you will tell me right?" His tone is sharp, almost demanding. His eyes have significantly darkened no trace of the beautiful amber color I beheld last night. I wonder now if that had been just a figment of my imagination trying to reason that he was more than just a monster. Ebony eyes flit over to where the nun gives him a dirty look. They move back to me a moment later. "Right?" He says again.

I nod in response not completely sure what he wants me to say. Even my papa never bothered going into the classroom, he heard about me being bullied by the nuns and children, and yet he turned a blind eye to it. Somehow I can feel it in my bones that if I mention anything to Kylo he will do something that cannot be classified as legal. Standing to his full height, he stalks out of the classroom, leaving tension and an indiscernible icy feeling in his wake. Chancing a glance at the other students I see fear splayed out on most of their faces.

Sinking into my chair I do everything in my power to suppress the smile creeping onto my face.

I had a feeling that being bullied was not in the foreseeable future anymore.

***

Kylo

I don't trust those fake fucks, not even for a moment. Lighting a cigarette with a shaky hand I lean against the side of the filthy building that poor little girl is subjected to be inside. I saw the ugly stares the other girls cast her way and the way those fucking nuns stare her down as if she were the scum between their toes. The gun in the glove box of my SUV calls my name, my hand itching to wrap around the hilt and press the muzzle of it to the foreheads of people who dare to look at that little girl sideways.

The trust her father, Gavin, has placed in me is beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I'm not entirely sure why out of all his men I was chosen to protect her but I wasn't lying when I said I'd die for her. After everything Gavin has done for me, I owe it to him to do everything in my power to keep his little girl safe.

I had been a beaten down kid living on the streets when he found me. All I had ever known was how to fight to stay alive, my hands used to break the faces of other losers like me so I could use that fifty dollars thrown at me to buy much-needed food. My father and mother were both taken from my life at an early age due to an evil bastard that managed to walk free after murdering them in cold blood.

I close my eyes, remembering how hot his breath was as he leaned close to my ear the dark chuckle sending shivers down my spine. The way tears sat at the corner of my eyes threatening to fall at any given moment. Cold fingertips dancing along the nape of my neck before they moved to the front to wrap around my thin throat. I had been so fucking scared, just a little boy with no family, trapped by a monster who believed he could have me however he wanted.

Luckily for me, that had been the day I learned to defend myself knocking the ugly bloke unconscious and never looking back. He would never have his way with me; I would never let someone do such a thing to me. Not in this fucking life.

Opening my eyes, I exhale on a ragged breath. It had been a couple months after I escaped that prison that I found myself in another prison. Gavin found me bloody and bruised after I had battled against somebody twice my size and indefinitely lost.

He took me under his wing when no one else would. He taught me how to be a man, instilling a list of manners into me that I had overlooked when I was a dirty dog with no place to go. He taught me how to use a gun and he taught me how to kill without getting caught.

I became his bodyguard and personal assassin by the time I turned eighteen. Now at twenty-one, he was entrusting me with something extremely precious to him. His little girl. It was an honor to know he trusted me after so little time, I'm sure his other men hated me due to the way Gavin was always complimenting me and telling me I was his number one. I ignored their vicious glares and taunts, choosing to be the bigger man. Yet, here I found myself pissed off by the whispers of adolescent girls and nuns.

Seeing a bench close by, I take a seat, lighting another cigarette and wait for school to end. A handful of hours later cars begin to pull into the parking lot, parents waiting outside the building in wait of their uptight girls.

I catch wary glimpses of mother's wondering who the hell I am, now that I take note of it I don't see a single father waiting for their child. I'm guessing Rey never cared that she was the only girl being picked up by her doting father. I'm sure she wished it was him here instead of me. A bell rings signaling the end of the school day and right on time a bunch of girls race out of the building searching for their parents.

I stand to put out my cigarette, giving no fucks when I toss it to the side earning downright killer glares from a few people.

Rey walks out soon after the hoard of girls, grasping so tight to the straps of her backpack I'm sure they are going to break. She worries her bottom lip, seeming more like a little girl than the woman she tries to pretend she is. Gavin no doubt had her best interests at heart but children were supposed to behave as such, they weren't supposed to have to eat like a proper lady or not know the meaning of what fun is. She needed to be a kid before she clawed her way into adulthood before she learned the ugly truth about her father.

I make my way to her seeing relief in her gaze when she catches wind of me. "How was school?"

She casts her gaze to the ground, shuffling her feet. "Fine," she mumbles.

I lower to a knee, making myself smaller so she can look me in the eye without craning her neck to do so. I brush a fallen strand from her ponytail behind her ear, her hazel eyes meet mine. I watch as color works up her neck and singes her cheekbones. She is blushing for reasons I don't quite understand.

"Kotenok, did something happen?"

She shakes her head, bright hazel eyes work their way to the side unable to look at me any longer. I gently clasp her chin bringing her attention back to focus on me.

"Are you lying?" I ask. Her gaze turns ardent, the hint of trust disappearing almost instantly. I had never claimed to be the best at handling fragile circumstances. What I was best at is getting rid of people without anyone finding out. All I really was good for is protecting and killing.

"I'm not lying," she spits angrily, eyes flashing with contempt. "I need to go home. I have piano lessons at six."

Tearing out of my hold, she moves around me throwing a fit as she stomps to my car. Mother's whisper to each other, shaking their heads in disgust. I give them all a sardonic smirk, raising my middle finger relishing the way their faces became bathed in red, mouths opening and closing like fish out of water.

The drive home with Rey is less than amicable. She shoots daggers into my back the entire way and even more when I open the door for her, swatting at my helping hand. Heaving a sigh I follow her up the stairs to the door, she already has her key in the lock scrambling up the stairs getting as far away as she can.

Sighing, I decided to mosey my way into the room where the grand piano sits elegantly. I trail my fingertips along the spotless keys.

Gavin thought teaching me how to play would help with unresolved anger issues, he wasn't wrong. I loved the way my fingers danced along the keys, the mournful sound echoing in the small space of my apartment. I could afford a grander place, but all my time on the streets taught me less is more.

Taking a seat, I begin to play a song that I wrote about a year ago, a sorrowful sound fills up the room. Gavin tells me I need to stop with the sappy music but I can't help myself, the sappy music as he likes to call it, tells what is going on inside of me. It helps me release the pain dwelling deep inside. I become lost in the way my fingers move that I don't notice Rey has migrated into the room and is watching me with awe etched on her face.

"You play beautifully," she says softly, fiddling with her now braided hair.

"Thank you."

The doorbell rings, Rey runs to let the instructor in. I take that as my cue to leave, finding myself outside watching day turn into night, a trusty cigarette between my fingers.

I really should quit the nasty habit.

Taking another draft I wonder what my life will be like now that I was the bodyguard of a girl who knew nothing of the horrible things her father and I have done. If she were to learn the full truth I'm sure she would not cling to her papa as much as she does. I'm sure she wouldn't look twice in my direction.

We _were_ the monsters that parents warned their children about; the thing is we didn't just hide in closets or under the bed. We stood out in the open, ready to face judgment, beckoning somebody to dare cross us.

We were worse than monsters.

_So. Much. Worse._

***


	2. The Truth Beneath The Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Give me strength to face the truth, the doubt within my soul  
> No longer I can justify the bloodshed in His name  
> Is it a sin to seek the truth, the truth beneath the rose?"  
> -Within Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note:
> 
> This chapter does have Kylo fornicating with another, however, it is short-lived. 
> 
> Trigger Warning: There may be a part that people do not care for. A youngster sees something she shouldn't. Graphic description. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Much love <3

Rey

The rain beats a somber tattoo upon the rooftop, the sky cast in dreary storm clouds matching the turbulence going on inside my heart. My pa has been gone for five months, his promises to return "soon" seeming more like a lie with each passing day. Five months living with a man that still feels like a stranger to me. That could be due to my downright refusal to make conversation with him and the way he does the absolute same.

I am unable to understand the complexities that swarm around a man such as Kylo. He has such sad eyes. On first glance, he appears cold, stoic, a monster like I claimed him to be. That is until you inspect him when he doesn't know you're doing such a thing.

 I sometimes spy on him when he smokes his cigarettes; hiding behind bushes to catch a glimpse of his solemn expression that creates the specks of amber in his ebony eyes. The spark of humanity I'm constantly searching for in those traces of amber. I _want_ to know the man behind the cruel mask.

I've caught myself too many times during the night venturing to his sleeping quarters, peering through the crack he leaves open seeing the breadth of strong shoulders, pale skin covered in angry scars. He meticulously works on cleaning an array of guns, every once in a while he will raise them, my imagination running rampant with thoughts if he killed before. The comfortable way he holds it makes me think the thoughts are not too far stretched.

I have more important things to be focusing on, like how I can get that annoying wench of a nun off my back. Anytime girls whisper to one another she will always pin the blame on me. She picks on me to answer each and every single question she has, if I'm wrong she will give me detention. I haven't had the courage to bring it up to Kylo. I still shiver at the darkness that lurked in his eyes when he told me to tell him if anyone gives me trouble. I have this deep-rooted feeling that won't go away that he will kill with those guns of his if I ask him to.

The bloodshed would be on my hands just as much as it would be on his. The things people say about my father are usually about him being merciless to people who wrong him. I know his castle has been built off of greed and a desire to get ahead.

As much as my papa tried to keep these subjects hush, hush, I tended to find my nose in things it did not belong in. I learned a horrible truth about my father years ago, something that I've kept quiet about since I discovered such a thing. My love for him stronger than the acts he has committed.

As much as I despised the nun, I still didn't want to think of what Kylo would do to her if he found out about what she has been doing to me. He couldn't kill her, everyone would suspect him and then he would wind up in prison. Even my papa didn't have every cop under his belt. Some he can pay off, others send his men straight to prison or the death chair. I didn't want to see Kylo wiped off the face of the earth. I didn't know anything about him and still, I felt something in my heart that wanted him to stick around.

I needed to learn more about him, only then could we build some form of trust between us.

The phone my papa gave me for emergencies rings in the darkness. Reaching for it I see papa’s number glaring back at me. Answering it with my heart beating I wait for him to speak.

"Rey, my darling, I have bad news."

"What is it, papa?" I whisper, feeling my throat closing in on itself.

"I have to stay in Russia for much longer than expected," he states simply, a slight tremor in his voice.

"How long?"

He heaves a deep sigh the sound hits me hard in the chest. I can practically see him sitting in his favorite chair in our home-a place I missed dearly- hand wrapped around a glass of some type of liquor. "It could be a year," he pauses, a shadow settles over me. "It could be five. I don't know right now."

A sob escapes me. "Papa, you _can't_ leave me here with Kylo."

"I believe in him, printsessa. He will protect you. Anything you ask he will obey. He is a good kid. You have no reason to fear him. In due time you will understand he is much more than what you see on the surface. I love you, my darling girl. I will keep in touch."

"I love you, papa," I can barely say, the sobs have begun to wrack my body rendering me useless.

"Goodbye, love.”

The dial sounds tearing my heart into shreds.

∞

Rey

Age 12

 "Rey, you seem unfocused today, is something wrong?" Ariel my piano instructor asks, pushing her fallen glasses further up the bridge of her nose. She is in her mid-thirties, a divorcee with a ten-year-old daughter that I sometimes play with even when I don't have lessons.

Ariel pushes a blonde strand behind her ear, thrown into a messy bun as if she could care less about appearances. She wears worn-out overalls over a white shirt smeared with colorful drops of paint. Her skin a shade darker than my own golden tone; big blue eyes sit in her head making her appear younger than she actually is. Innocence only she can manage to possess at her age.

She replaced my old instructor about a year ago. Thankfully, she is a lot nicer than the former. Her personality is bubbly, but she gets pretty shy whenever Kylo makes an appearance.

These past couple of years, I had successfully gotten closer to Kylo.

After the betrayal of my father, I felt more alone than I knew was possible. Kylo stepped in, striking up the conversation more often, taking me out for ice cream or to an amusement park just to get my mind off of everything. He didn't smile much but when he did it lit up his entire face, little wrinkles formed at the edges of his eyes. It was a sight to behold, something that I kept in my memory bank whenever I felt lost or alone.

My father and I talk occasionally, the bitterness lingers though. I can't find it in me to forgive him. I know I should but him leaving me behind cut like a rusty knife to the abdomen. Poison seeped into my veins and I found the only one I could truly trust to never abandon me is Kylo. It may only be because of his loyalty to my father; still, a little piece of me hoped it was because he did care about me.

"Rey, did you hear me?" Ariel asks again finally managing to catch my attention fully.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood today," I murmur taking my fingers off the keys running them along my jeans instead.

Her mouth turns up at the ends, a hint of teeth creeping through the parted space of her lips. "I understand, Rey. We all have days where we're just not feeling it. How about we pick this up another time?"

Relief floods over me, I nod. "Yes, another time would be better."

Ariel stands packing her things into a bag that looks like she crafted it herself. Checking the time it is already 9 pm. Our lesson had gone overtime anyways, probably due to my lack of paying attention. Saying one last goodbye, I don't see her to the door and run up the length of stairs to my bedroom.

Slamming it shut, I breathe a sigh of frustration. I missed my father, even though I dreaded admitting such a fact. I still wished I could see him, get a good shot to the belly in, and then perhaps all could be forgiven. It wouldn't be that easy though, I think my father still has no intention of ever coming back to Florida. He won't even let me move back to Russia where he and mama are, he insists I stay here, and finish school. I still hadn't told Kylo the bullying had only gotten worse.

Falling back on my bed, I try to get some sleep. To my dismay, my thoughts race a hundred miles per hour, I toss and turn until finally, I give up. Deciding a warm glass of milk may help soothe my racing mind, I make my way downstairs to the kitchen. When I finish putting a scoop of cocoa in it, I shut off the lights heading back up the staircase. A noise catches my attention, it sounds from where Kylo's room would be.

My curiosity is peaked, I know I should leave it alone, but I find myself tip-toeing down the hall before I can stop myself. The sounds grow clearer when I approach, a dim light creeps through the crack in the door. The noise is unfamiliar to me, confusion replaces curiosity, my brows knit together as I ever-so-quietly peer inside. My breath hitches, I quickly move from the door covering my mouth hoping they didn't hear me.

My heart thunders in my chest as I wait for what feels like a lifetime. I know I'm safe when the sounds continue, no one approaching the door. I look back inside, a shadow is cast upon the expanse of Kylo's broad back, his biceps flex while he unbuckles a strap from off the woman beneath him. A woman I would have never expected to see in such a position with my bodyguard.

"You're so beautiful," he rasps, his voice thick with something I'm not sure to make of.

"No, I'm not," she murmurs so gently I barely make out what she says.

His lips crash down upon hers, silencing her. I watch him reach over to his nightstand, searching for something until he finds what he is looking for. Some kind of foil is in between two fingers.

"Ariel, you are a fucking goddess," he growls, sitting back he tugs her overalls off tossing them onto the ground by her memorable red converse.

My brain is racing a thousand miles per hour unable to put together what is happening in front of my eyes. I had heard kids talk about what sexual intercourse entails but it wasn't like I had looked into it. My friend Rose, the only one I could consider a friend at that hellish school said she looked up porn and wished she could put bleach in her eyes. She told me it had been dirty and disgusting to the point she almost threw up.

Yet, the way Kylo kissed Ariel seemed almost tender, this act didn’t look dirty. I had seen the way Kylo stared at Ariel every time she waved goodbye to him, a shy smile on her face. It was full of affection; the way he stared at her reminded me of the way my father looked at my mom. He looked at her like he loved her and the way he held her now proved that to be true.

I swallow hard, knowing I need to go, _now_ , and yet, I'm rooted to the spot watching as he unbuckles his belt. His chest rises and falls hard, Ariel reaches behind her, and a full blush from head to toe heats my body. Her chest is bared to him, he groans slamming his hands on either side of her arms his mouth wrapping around her nipple.  One hand reaches back to his pants my breath goes ragged when he pulls out something long and thick. He moves back tearing open the foil with his teeth rolling whatever is inside over that monster, moving it lower.

Ariel expels a soft cry when that thing comes into contact with down below. I had always been curious about the hole between my own legs wondering what the hell it was for. Now, a brutal understanding crashed down upon my head like a stack of bricks. That _monster_ had gone inside her; she had allowed that _thing_ inside of her! _Why_??

Kylo presses his chest against hers; a massive palm splays out on her cheek lips meeting once again. His lower half moves in a way that makes Ariel grasp onto his back, her nails look to be digging in. I'm unable to tell if she is in pain or enjoying it by the noises she makes. Kylo goes back on his haunches, grasping onto her hips dragging them up to where they meet. Her back arches, hands tugging on the sheets as he drives into her with a force that has her saying his name over and over again.

His head falls back, eyes screwed closed, beads of sweat trail down his neck where I can see the veins in his neck pulsing. He licks his bottom lip, biting down hard on it a moment later. His thumb moves down rubbing against something that Ariel begs for him to not stop doing.

"C'mon baby, come for me," Kylo says in a low growly voice, his normally slicked back hair now an unkempt mop of ebony. At this moment, he looks every inch the vicious thug the other girls I attend school with call him right in front of my face, taunting me to do something that would cause me to wind up getting in trouble.

Ariel calls out his name, Kylo grunts collapsing over her holding her tight to him. Neither seems to care about the sweat that slicks both their skins, lingering in each other's arms without a care in the world.

Forcing myself up onto wobbly legs I scurry back to my room, shutting it quietly behind me. I press my back to it, running my hands over my face unable to fully process what I just witnessed. They were much too familiar with one another for it to be something new, so just how long had they been doing such a thing together, and how had I not noticed it??

I was truly a first class idiot.

With the image of them together in such a carnal way, I flush with heat wishing to dispel everything I just saw.

_How would I ever be able to look him in the eye again?_

Groaning I collapsed on my bed covering my face with a pillow releasing a muffled scream into it. Once I'm done I let exhaustion take over. Tomorrow I would have to act like I didn't know a new expression of Kylo's. An expression that I know will haunt my mind for a very long time.

Damn _him_.

∞

Kylo

It was never part of the plan to get attached to a woman ten years my senior. It happened in the blink of an eye, two lonely souls desperate for someone to latch onto emotionally and physically.

She had stayed over late one night the storm had been too dangerous to drive in. Rey had gone to sleep; from there it was a joining of lips after one too many drinks, a desperate tearing of clothes until I was seated deep inside of her moving with purpose. After that, we both agreed it couldn't happen again, that only lasted a week both of us latching onto each other like we never could get enough of the other.

We've been doing this tango for a year now. It proved to be a mistake because I had gone and fallen in love with her. I had to care for Rey, there was no time for distractions but Ariel had burrowed her way into my heart, and I was helpless to stop the feeling.

I dreamt about marrying her once I'm released from my duty of caring for Rey. We could have a couple of kids of our own, white picket fence, and all. She had taken the darkness in my heart and changed it into something filled with something I had never thought could be possible…happiness…I finally felt happy for once in my life.

It's strange how things can go terribly wrong in the blink of an eye.

∞

The piano sounds, Rey has gotten significantly better at playing. The way she plays is a lot less dreary, filled with sunshine versus my sad tunes that tend to bring people down. I find myself smiling knowing that Ariel is out there with her.

When the music suddenly cuts out, I wait for it to start up again only for a moment to pass and Rey's scream to fill the silence. Instinct kicks in my gun already raised as I round the corner, my heart clenches so hard in my chest when I see Rey fighting off Ariel, a knife perilously close to piercing her neck. Ariel snaps her attention to mine only for me to see complete and utter hatred shining back at me. My finger wraps around the trigger, a single tear races down my face as I pull it shooting her right in the head.

Rey rolls away right before Ariel can collapse on her, she crawls away backward a look of horror etched on her face. Blood is painted on her face and clothes. The gun falls from my hands, I walk over to where Ariel lies face down. Lowering to the ground I roll her over, pulling her into my arms. A tortured sound rips through my chest, escaping on a sob.

_What had just happened?_

Ariel had gone through an extensive inspection before she was given the job. Her daughter played with Rey on occasion, not as much as Rey would have liked, but they had been friends.

" _Why_?" I whispered.

She had played me for a fool. She had made me believe that she loved me, that she cared about Rey only to turn on me without a moment's hesitation. Rey could have died because of my impotence. Gavin would have to hear about this, my fate would be the same as Ariel's.

Laying her back on the floor I covered her corpse with a blanket, returning my attention back to what is most important. Rey shivered uncontrollably, rocking back and forth with her knees pressed against her chest, arms wrapped around them tightly.

"Rey," I say my throat clogged with emotion.

Her eyes dart wildly to mine. I'm surprised when she speaks. "Why would she try to kill me? After all this time, why now?"

I fall to my knees before her, shaking my head tears still race down my face. "I don't know. I wish I knew but I don't."

"I thought she liked me. I thought she liked you." There is a knowing look in her eyes when she says the last part. I hope she wasn't speaking to anything specific. I had a suspicion she tended to spy on me when she thought I didn't know. Could she have seen something she shouldn't have? _Fuck_ , I was a terrible guardian. Her father was going to kill me. I would die with a broken _fucking_ heart.

"I thought so too. I will get to the bottom of this but I need to speak to your father."

Rey clasps onto my wrist, a look of terror in her hazel orbs. "No, you can't do that."

"I have to."

She holds tighter. "He will _kill_ you, Kylo. He doesn't need to know about this. I'm alive that is all that matters. You can get rid of the body, _right_? No one will ever find out about her."

"Rey, she waited years to build trust with us. She was obviously hired to do this. I'm not sure by whom but they will know she is dead. Yes, your father may off me, but you will be safe."

"I will not let you die, Kylo. Do not tell my father! I trust you to protect me."

"Rey-"

She doesn't let me finish speaking; standing abruptly to her feet she shakes her body out and wipes off the lingering tears.

"There is no time for mourning. We need to get rid of her."

"I can handle that part by myself." Rey did not need to be subjected to what I was about to have to do to truly get rid of Ariel for good.

"You will need help digging."

I laugh bitterly at how naïve she is. "Trust me Kotenok it is much worse than that. You go shower. I'll handle everything."

Understanding seems to dawn over her because she doesn't argue, turning away from me to do as I say. Once I hear the tell-tale sign of the shower, I gather myself together lifting Ariel into my arms taking her to a place that only I can access. A place Rey will never know of.

Opening the door with a special key, I walk down the stairs the lights automatically switching on with my arrival. I lay her limp body down on the metal table, a bunch of tools such as scissors, needles, a buzz saw, and more sits on a stand not far from the table.

Rolling my sleeves to my elbows, I grab a pair of gloves but before I put them on I press a palm to her neck feeling nothing but ice. I remember her heat, how she made me feel like I was walking on air. I had never known love like I did when we were together. To think this entire time she only got close to me to murder Rey made my entire body quake with sobs.

It had to be hours later when I gathered my composure, grabbing the buzz saw getting to work of discarding her body. The saw meeting bone splattering me with blood. Darkness settled into my mind as her arm fell from her body, seeping down into my heart shrouding it with a black cloak until it found my soul, and turned me cold.

Love had made me into a helpless fool.

Love had almost made me lose something more important than my own life.

Rey needed me to focus more now than ever. I had to protect her from the evils that could be lurking around any corner. There would be no trusting anyone anymore. My sole purpose is to keep her out of danger.

By the time I successfully got rid of any trace of Ariel I had turned into nothing more than a shell of a man. The love I thought I felt for her completely wiped out of my system replaced with sheer emptiness.

Her nothing more than a dream.

I'm a monster.

Nothing less.

Nothing more.

∞

A month has passed since the death of the woman that betrayed everything I thought I knew. Rey and I never spoke of that day ever again, nor did she ever bother asking how I got rid of the evidence.

We act like it never even happened. She continues her studies and I go on with my search of who the hell was gunning to kill the daughter of one of the richest men in the world. There is no doubt in my mind that the only reason Ariel went after Rey was to hurt Gavin.

I'm even more paranoid lately, constantly checking around the school for any sign of someone suspicious. I come up empty handed every day but the fear still remains, lingering to the point I'm worried I'm going to go insane.

The bell rings, I wait patiently for Rey to exit knowing how much she hates if I linger in the front. She has begged for me to stay on the bench until she personally comes up to me. I've respected her wishes even though it terrifies me that she will be out of my line of vision for a few moments.

 Cars come and go until finally, I feel like I've waited much too long for her. Tossing my cigarette I open the doors of the school, wandering down the halls to her classroom.

What I see heats my blood.

Rey’s teacher is speaking down to her, berating her about not doing good enough on some project I had no knowledge of. She waves a thin finger in Rey's face. Rey stands there with her eyes cast to the ground, shuffling back and forth until the nun swats her shoulder demanding her to stop moving.  Rey goes rigid, biting down on her lower lip, a habit she can't seem to break.

"What the fuck is going on here?" I snarl entering the room, reveling in the way the nun snaps up moving a couple steps back from Rey.

"Nothing," she squeaks. "Rey and I were just having a chat about her homework."

I stalk closer, seeing the fear wash over her features. "Do you always hold the girls after school, laying your fucking hands on them while scolding them in such a tone? Or do you just do this to my girl?"

Her face contorts into one of guilt, putting her hands together as if she were praying. I'm about to make her beg for mercy at my fucking feet. "I wasn't scolding her, sir. I was just letting her know she can do better."

I tilt my head to the side a twisted smile tugs at the corner of my lips. "Ah, is that what you were doing? I'm pretty sure I heard you telling her she was a good for nothing brat that didn't deserve to even be at this institution. Did you know that Rey is beyond intelligent? Has been since the day I met her. So, I know you're fucking lying. I caught you, red-fucking-handed bitch. I thought women of God weren't allowed to lie so blatantly."

"I would never lie," she says her voice shaking.

Yanking my gun out of the holster hidden under my suit I aim it at her.

"Kylo, _please_ , _stop_ ," Rey pleads. I ignore her wrapping my hand around the nun's clothed neck pressing the metal against the side of her head as I slam her back up against the whiteboard.

"You're lying right now you fucking cunt. I don't understand how you can be so stupid to pick on the daughter of a man you know to be evil. Do you think I am going to stand on the sidelines while you lay a hand on _my_ girl? Huh? No one does that and lives."

Tears stream down the nun's face, the smell of piss fills my nose. I laugh out loud, a cruel sound that makes her shiver in my grasp.

"Please, I'm sorry! I won't ever do such a thing again!"

"I should fuck you until you understand, take that prized virtue of yours. What would God think of you then? Would he _even_ want you after I have my way with you?"

"Kylo! _Please_!" Rey shouts a fury in her tone that I once again choose to be blind to, shoving my knee between the woman's thighs in front of me.

"I would fuck every hole you have until you begged for me to end you. I would make you nothing but a dirty whore in the eyes of God. You would be cast aside by the church because I'm going to make you fucking love it. You're going to love my cock by the time I'm finished with you. You'll not know how to live without it. Is that what you want?"

I pull back the hammer, making an audible clicking sound. She lets out a terrified shriek, shaking her head back and forth. "No! Please! I promise I will not say a word to her! I promise to be good!"

"You ever say another cruel thing to her I will fucking _end_ you."

"I understand! Please!"

Letting her go, she falls to her knees saying a prayer over and over again. I grab Rey's hand leading her outside, she tries to escape the hold but is no match for my strength. Yanking the door open I basically shove her inside, slamming the door behind me. Settling into the front seat I angrily shove the key in the ignition and drive like hell is at my heels.

"You lied to me," I snap, my fingers tighten where they are wrapped around the steering wheel.

"I didn't need you worrying about me," she mutters.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Years," she confesses with less hesitation than I had been expecting.

My eyes find hers in the rearview mirror. Hers are alight with anger, mine the same. "You didn't think it would be best to tell me such a thing?"

"I'm old enough to handle things on my own, Kylo. You can't protect me from everything. Some things have to go away on their own. I don't think telling a nun you're going to make her a dirty whore in the eyes of God is the best course of action."

I flinch, having the decency to blush. Ashamed that I said such lecherous things in front of her.

"Forget the things I said. The more important matter at hand is that you're supposed to trust me enough to tell me some woman is picking on you. I won't let anyone talk to you like that."

"You're a mess, Kylo. I know Ariel did a number on you. She did one on me too. Still, we have to keep going. I can handle my own issues with the nuns and girls at my school. I'm tough enough to handle anything, especially after witnessing Ariel die in front of me. You cannot go threatening these people with rape and pressing guns against their heads."

She sounds nothing like a girl on the verge of thirteen, right now Rey sounds as if she is years older than I am. The incident with Ariel really had changed both of us, making her wiser, and me colder.

We arrive at the house, as always I check for danger before escorting Rey into the house where she runs off to call her dad, and I find myself with a glass of whiskey in my hand. I had murdered countless people and felt nothing. Killing Ariel had broken me into a million pieces and I couldn't seem to put myself back together.

I was supposed to be taking care of Rey but I couldn't shake off the memory of Ariel's lifeless eyes staring at the ceiling or the way in her last moment of life she had looked upon me like we had never been intimate.  I was the enemy stopping her from her task. A task I couldn't let her complete.

I had gone too far with the nun, unable to control myself, a rage had seared through every rational thought. I had never lost control like that. I had to maintain a cool head when I followed a target and disposed of them. The nun could rat me out and there would be nothing I could do. Gavin would end me before I ever found myself behind bars.

Finishing off the whiskey I showered off the guilt.

I had to get my act together or else I was going to lose focus of protecting Rey.

If anything happened to her I would end my own life. The thought of harm being inflicted upon her creates a pain sharper than a thorn in my side, a dread seeps into the very core of me, and I know if I don't get myself together I might lose her forever.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xoxo


	3. Frozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?  
> Can't tell the reasons, I did it for you  
> When lies turn into truth, I sacrificed for you  
> You say that I'm frozen but what can I do?"  
> -Within Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the feedback I've received so far <3
> 
> I'm having a blast writing this!
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter but I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Much love <3

Kylo

"You need me to take out a target? What about Rey?"

"Send her off to a friend's house for the night. The job must be taken care of, Kylo."

"When do you plan on coming back, Gavin? You want me to keep doing your dirty work while watching over your little girl. She needs her father and you need to man up and tell her that her mom has been dead for a long time now."

"Kylo, my personal life is no concern to you."

"It is when it comes to the matter of that girl. You murdered her mother all because of an accusation she was cheating on you. You didn't even have proof. Are you ever going to tell your daughter that her mother was never even there the day she supposedly left for France? You hired someone to lay in bed all day. Rey knew to not interrupt her mom when she napped."

"You overstep your boundaries!" Gavin roared in my ear, a sliver of fear ran through me. I fought it off.

"I only overstep them because I care for Rey. She deserves a father and the truth about her mother. She constantly asks to talk to her mom and you just happen to have endless excuses."

"You have kept her safe for a very long time and I am grateful for every second of it but you do not get to tell me how to raise my daughter. You will take on this assignment and report back to me when it is finished."

He hangs up before I'm able to respond.

"Fucking bastard," I growl stopping myself from throwing my phone against the wall.

Another year passed with Gavin staying as far away as he could from his own flesh and blood. I had been given a few assignments along the way, usually leaving Rey at her friend Rose's house. They were thirteen-year-old girls who had a lot to discuss now that they were reaching the cusp of puberty. It scared the living hell out of me to leave Rey on her own, obeying her instruction not to stalk her as she liked to put it.

The people I killed for Gavin were too stupid to not realize me following their every move. They pretended to be gangsters, I learned they were the ones who had sent Ariel into the mix of things all in the hopes she could get close enough to kill Rey without me suspecting anything.

I had thought I was dead man when Gavin brought these men to my attention, asking for me to get rid of them. I almost told him right there about Ariel but he intervened telling me these men had made a threat on his life through a text giving him the means to trace the call. Needless to say, I ended their lives without hesitation.

Reading about my current mark, it turned out to be a female. The leader of this gang of idiots, a woman that looked identical to Ariel. A sick feeling settles over me, warm lips pressed against mine, blue eyes filling me with love, sweet nothings whispered against soft skin flood my brain. Taking a deep breath, I close the document unable to handle thinking about Ariel right now.

I find Rey in her room reading a book that she hides when she notices me in her doorway. Her face is as red as a stop sign. "Don't you know how to knock?"  She bites out, worrying her bottom lip, shoving the book behind her back.

"Sorry Kotenok, am I interrupting something?" I tease stepping into her room, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm thirteen, Kylo. I deserve some privacy _meaning_ you should knock before barging in!"

"The door was wide open. I thought that meant anyone is welcome."

Her face sours like she sucked on a lemon. "What do you want?"

"How about you get in touch with Rose and see if you can spend the weekend over there."

Hazel eyes narrow at me. "What for?"

I roll my eyes shoving my hands into my pockets. "I have to go away on some business. I don't want you on your own."

"What kind of business?" She presses, eyeing me with suspicion. She obviously knows that I'm lying, something she has been able to pick up on much more than I'd like this past year. I have a feeling she knows I'm off killing people while she gossips about things any normal teenager should talk about.

"It's none of your concern, Rey. Please, just give her a call."

"Fine, go away." She grabs her book from behind her, running her eyes along it.  I stifle a laugh seeing it is being held upside down. From where I stand I can see a shirtless man holding some fair maiden to him. Rey is reading a romance book and totally forgetting that she is doing such with the way she waits for me to exit the room. Fake reading in the process, unless she has mastered reading upside down.

Walking over to her I take her book turning it upright, red floods her cheeks as I place it back in her hands. "You don't have to hide these books from me, Kotenok. You're old enough to read what you want."

"Don't call me that," she hisses hugging the book to her chest, casting her gaze to the side.

"I've called you that since I met you. It's a habit I'm not willing to break."

She shoots daggers at me. "I'm not a child anymore, Kylo. Kitten makes me feel younger than I am."

"It is a term of endearment."

She jumps off the bed, tossing her book to the side. "Do not call me that anymore. I'm not asking. I'm _telling_ you."

Our eyes remained locked in a silent duel, the little brat going through a point in her life that I was not entirely prepared for.

"I'm a hell of a lot older than you, what makes you think I have to answer to you?"

Her mouth curves into a sneer. "My father owns you. He placed me in your care and told me countless times that you will do anything I command. _So_ , I command you to stop calling me that "term of endearment" unless you want me to go to my father about your inability to obey simple orders."

My hands wrap around her throat before I can think twice about the consequences, her eyes open wide in surprise as I cut off her breath. She reaches up digging her nails into my forearms, her body flailing as panic settled in. She tried to gulp in air the act proving to be futile. I slammed her down on the bed lowering my face until it was inches from her terrified expression.

"You know what I have done to keep you safe all these years? I have sacrificed _everything_ to be here for you. You dare tell me what to do after I have killed to keep you alive? I will fucking call you Kotenok all I fucking like and you will not do a damn thing about it. You will listen to me or else I will show you what happens to little girls that don't obey their elders. Now, call your fucking friend and get out of my space so I can do what I have to do to keep protecting you from the dangers of this world."

Letting go of her, she coughs and splutters inhaling a lungful of air until she recovers from the loss of oxygen. Shaky fingers touch where I had my hands on her; incredulous hazels meet mine, pain lurking in the depths.

I don't linger, unable to face myself in the mirror after laying violent hands on her. She had pushed me into a corner, a place where I had no desire to be. My life has been hers for years. I have done unforgivable things to keep her alive. For her to command anything from me made my blood heat with ill intentions. Stretching my fingers I shake the memory of them wrapped around her scrawny neck. The tears pooling in her eyes had made me weak and full of regret. I had to escape before I apologized, she had to learn, and unfortunately, it had been the hard way.

∞

Rey

Rose was ecstatic for me to spend the entire weekend with her, my bags were already packed. I just had to wait until her mom arrived to pick me up. Usually, Kylo dropped me off but he was heading in the opposite direction this time around or so he said. I had a feeling he was avoiding me.

 My fingertips linger on my neck, still tender from where Kylo had wrapped his hands around it. I had never known unadulterated fear until that moment. Of course, I was scared of a variety of things, the dark, whether or not I would live to see tomorrow, and so forth. However, none of those could compare to the fear I had when Kylo held me down, stealing my breath from me. He had a good hundred pounds on me, the ease he slammed me down on the bed enough to unnerve me that I almost pissed my pants.

Untamed fury shone in pools of black, daring me to make an attempt at escape. It proved to be pitiful when I tried to get him off of me, my weak body thrashing but getting nowhere. His words were filled with venom, a threat that promised to ring true if I even thought of disobeying him. When he let go, I was so greedy to get air back in my lungs I momentarily forgot why he did such a thing to me. He stalked off leaving me to figure out what the hell had just happened on my own.

He didn't deserve my anger; it was my father that I hated for leaving me. Kylo had been nothing but loyal to me, remaining chivalrously by my side, and I had gone and screwed that all up with my stupid attitude. I wanted to apologize but the words stuck in my throat, burning a hole in my esophagus as they desperately tried to claw their way out.

A honk sounds outside, I grab my bag scurrying downstairs searching for a trace of Kylo. I find him in the kitchen, his hand wrapped around a glass filled with what I presume to be scotch or some kind of whiskey.

"Kylo," I murmur, struggling to find my voice.

"I'll see you in a few days. Have fun," he interrupted, his voice holding no warmth.

"I didn't mean what I said," I blurt holding fast to the handle of my luggage, it tethers me to this world. I feel like I'm about to pass out, my legs minutes from giving out.

His eyes flick to mine. "I'll see you in a few days," he repeats tipping the glass finishing off the contents inside.

"Yeah, see you in a few days," I mutter leaving before he can see the tears fall down my face. I scamper into the heated car. Rose's smile falls the moment she takes in my distraught expression. I shake my head hoping to not draw too much attention to me. I say a polite hello to her mom giving Rose a look that promises I'll tell her what's wrong when we're in private.

She returns the look with a slight nod of her head, understanding etched out on her face. I cast my head to the side, catching a final glimpse of Kylo as he walks outside to no doubt smoke a cigarette. I could only hope the short time apart would heal the wound I inflicted. I wanted to tell him he could call me kitten as much as he liked. I wanted to tell him how much I loved the term of endearment but I took my anger out on him in a moment of weakness. He showed me the consequence of such a thing.

I could never hate Kylo.

I loved him.

I loved him more than my own father.

Kylo was my protector. He was now the most valuable thing in my life and I really hoped he could find it in his heart to forgive me for the things I said.

I really did.

∞

I'm stuffing my mouth with buttered popcorn, eyes fixed on the television where Ewan McGregor sings a heartfelt song to Nicole Kidman. It was a tradition for Rose and me to throw on our pajamas, put Moulin Rouge on, and stuff our face with an assortment of different snacks that ranged from popcorn to chocolate pretzels.

Both of us still cried at the ending even though we had seen the movie countless times. Once it finishes we wipe the tears from our eyes, Rose leans on her side propping herself up with her elbow.

"So, what did you want to talk about earlier? You looked like you were on the verge of tears."

Worrying my lip, I fiddle with the ends of my shirt figuring out how I want to word what happened between Kylo and me.

"Kylo and I had a bit of a fight."

"A fight?" Rose's brow raises high on her head.

"Yes, I said things I didn't mean and I think I hurt him."

"What did you say?"

"I told him that I didn't want him calling me by the nickname he always uses for me. I demanded him to listen to me or else I would tell my father he wasn't caring for me properly. He didn't take it very well. He was really angry. I feel bad for what I said. I never wanted to hurt him but sometimes I get so upset about my dad leaving that I take my anger out on the wrong people."

Rose nods, processing what I told her with a certain focus on her face. "I think you just need to give him time to sort out his feelings. If you apologize I don't think it is going to help the situation right now. If he was really angry then it's best for you to stay clear until he is ready to talk about what happened. I know it must be hard to not have your dad around but you care deeply for Kylo and he has been there for you since you were ten. Maybe you just need to put more faith in him that he will never leave you. You can't undo what your dad has done but you can change the way you treat Kylo."

"Has anyone told you-you're really smart?"

Rose giggles, waving a hand in front of her. "Hardly, I just understand that life gets hard and sometimes we do and say things we don't mean. Everything just takes time. I promise Kylo will come around and you two will go back to talking like nothing ever happened."

"You think so?"

Her mouth curves into a wide smile. "I know so."

We lay beside each other discussing the latest romance book we both read. The same that Kylo had told me was perfectly fine for me to read, he didn't make me feel ashamed, and I still reacted recklessly.

Rose is right; I had to give Kylo time to get over his anger. Then, when the time is right I would apologize and beg for his forgiveness.

I wanted to be Kylo's Kotenok for the rest of time.

∞

Kylo

I adjust the gun on my shoulder, laying flat on my stomach I peer through the scope seeing the woman identical to the one who tore my heart right out of my chest. A smile lights up her face as she talks to a bunch of men, seated at the head of the table her hands moving in an animated way.

It's funny how evil can look so deceiving.

There is a slight breeze that could throw off my trajectory if I'm not extremely careful. Normally, the weather has no effect on my shooting skills; I've done it in rain, snow, and heat without fail. Today I can feel a slight shake in my hands, I'm fucking nervous, and if I don't settle my racing heart I know I'm about to screw up everything, that slight breeze could be the end of me.

I let out a harsh breath watching her throw her head back, same smile, same blonde hair but hers fell in waves around her face. Placing my finger on the trigger, I took in a deep breath, steeling my nerves. I'm about to pull it when the door whips open, all eyes turn in the direction of the door, in walks a man holding a little girl with hair white as snow. Her skin is so pale it looks like it hurts, Anita, Ariel's sister, stands to her feet her smile even broader. She reaches out taking the girl from the man's arms, pressing a kiss to his lips before turning her undivided attention to her daughter.

My skin prickles, thinking about how I dreamt of marrying Ariel and having kids of our own. This woman had what I had desperately wanted, a family to call my own, and that was shattered because there is someone more important than Anita, than her daughter, than Ariel…

My heart slows, Rey's hazel eyes flash in my mind, and I pull the trigger. 

Blood splatters turning the girl's hair red, her husband rushes to her before she drops holding both of them tight to him I see the complete devastation on his face. The men in the board room are yelling as some cover their mouths in shock. It must be utter chaos in there; the little girl no doubt is crying causing more of an uproar. A group of security rushes in, her husband clings to her unable to speak to the men that are demanding to know what happened, a woman swoops in taking the little girl from the wreck.

Rising to my knees, I dissembled my gun with the speed of years of muscle memory. Putting each part in its proper place, I made myself scarce. The ride back home allowed me too much time to think about what I had just done.

I had ruined another little girl's life, taken her mother from her all in the name of keeping someone more precious than my own life safe. The nerves all fell away when I thought of what would happen to Rey if I let that woman live. Her husband seemed innocent enough; he didn't seem to understand why anyone would target his wife. She was just the CEO of some pristine company while on the side ruled a gang of gangsters that did her dirty work, ridding her competition one by one for her.

Her greed had led her to mess with the wrong man.

 Gavin Ivankov was the last man anyone should fuck with. He knew every form of torture technique in the book and knew how to enact them. I had seen a lot of fucked up shit over the years, he maimed men like they were nothing more than pigs at the slaughter. I reminded myself often to never be on the wrong side with a man like Gavin. Sometimes I had to stand my ground but I couldn't risk him ever finding out I had almost gotten his daughter murdered by a woman I was fucking.

I shiver at the image of what he would do to me if anything ever happened to Rey.

I _had_ to kill that woman.

Rey always came first in my decision making. That girl's life may be ruined forever but Rey gets to live another day and that's what helps me sleep at night.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO


	4. Bloodstream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wake up, look me in the eyes again  
> I need to feel your hand upon my face  
> Words can be like knives  
> They can cut you open  
> And then the silence surrounds you and haunts you."  
> -Stateless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking me with everybody!!
> 
> Much love <333

Kylo

For Rey's fourteen birthday Gavin decides he wants to visit after four years of being nothing more than a ghost. He doesn't have the decency to give me a heads up, calling me a day before he will arrive, and leaving it up to me to break the news to Rey.

Her door is shut when I make it to her room, gently rapping on it I wait for her response. We had been on shaky ground for a while since I laid my hands on her. She had apologized to me about what she said but I couldn't find it in my heart to apologize for what I did to her. I could see how much she wanted me to say everything was okay and that I didn't mean to put my hands on her. When I said nothing in return, she stared at me in disbelief before retiring to her room.

Since then we've been walking on eggshells around each other. Telling her the news about her father would only put a greater rift in between us.

Eventually, I hear the okay for me to enter. Rey is propped up against a pillow, jean-clad legs crossed at the ankles, her baggy shirt read's ‘leave me alone'. As per usual she has a book in her hands.

"I need to talk to you about something," I say taking in her room. It had changed immensely in the past few years, the dolls that once sat in her windowsill gone; the vast color of pink now turned a deep shade of blue. There are photos of her and Rose covering the expanse of her dresser, a stack of books sit on her nightstand. Moseying over to the pile she continues to ignore me, too focused on the current book she is reading.

I pick up the book on the top seeing a dark-haired guy with pale skin. He is a burly dude with boxing wraps around his hands. Casting my gaze to the next book in line it is another dark-haired guy, dark eyes that are strikingly familiar. I shuffle through the stack only to see that every-single-one portrays a dark-haired, dark-eyed, pale guy that seems to know a thing or two about the gym.

"What are you doing?" Rey snaps, I jolt a little, the books in my hand falling to the ground.

"We need to talk," I reply lowering to retrieve what I dropped but Rey's hand dart out grabbing both of them before I have the chance. She pressed the books to her chest pinning me with an explosive glare.

"About what?" Her voice holds a slight tremor to it.

"It's about your father." I can't help eyeing the covers of both the novels; it's like looking in the fucking mirror. Darkness seems to surround each one, reminding me of the man I have to face every second of every day.

"What about him?" She asks exasperated, wanting me to get what I needed to say done and over with.

"He is going to be here for your birthday tomorrow. He wants to take you out."

She stares at me blankly for an extremely long time before she simply nods and places her prized treasures back on the nightstand. I want to know why every guy resembles me but I'm not entirely sure I want to hear the answer. Whatever it may be it can't possibly be what I'm assuming, to make accusations would only create a further tension between her and I. That was not something I wanted at this point in time.

"Alright then, dinner will be ready in an hour."

"Not hungry. Bye."

Letting out a sigh, I leave shutting the door quietly behind me. I find sanctuary in the kitchen, my hand wrapped around a glass of scotch. Leaning against the counter, I can't help but think if my life will always be a constant battle with right and wrong. I've been a survivor since I can remember. Sometimes the ache in my chest is too much to handle, my dream to settle down seeming more and more out of reach as the years fly by.

∞

Kylo

Age 16

My fist collides with solid muscle, a shock of pain races up my arm. I grunt swinging bruised fists with purpose, seeing blinding lights when my opponent's fist hits me right on the jaw. Spitting out the blood that has built in my mouth I manage to avoid the next flurry of punches, connecting a solid punch to his abdomen, enough to make him keel over allowing me to land hard punches to his face. I hear a sickening crunch, he lets out a holler of pain. I grin for a split second until I feel weightless. He has grabbed me by the waist, lifting me up, and slamming me hard onto the tarmac. All the air explodes out of my lungs rendering me unable to breathe.

It was over.

He was much bigger than I am, a lion where I am nothing more than a housecat picking a fight with the wrong person. His fist bore down on my face over and over again until finally, someone pushed him off of me declaring him the winner. No one helped me; the crowd dispersed not waiting around to get caught by the police.

I stumbled to my feet, swaying side to side until I gathered my bearings, and held tight to my bruised ribs. Blood pours from my nose, my lip is split, and I can hardly see out of my left eye but it could be worse.

Making my way out of the alley, I stagger down the empty streets of Moscow until I can't handle walking anymore. I find shelter against an old abandoned building, the assholes smart enough to lock the doors. I don't have the strength to climb to break into a window meaning I'm going to be grateful for the space to sit while I check my body for any broken bones.

Nose. Not broken.

Cheek. Bruised like a motherfucker but not broken.

Knuckles. Ache so badly I want to gouge my eyes outs. I'll live though. Not fractured like I had thought.

The rest of my body seems to be in working order, my ribs have an angry bruise over the pale skin but all in all I'm sure I'm going to live to see another shitty day. I would have to scavenge for food for the next couple of weeks until I could fight again. Hopefully, it wouldn't be against a guy twice my size the next time.

Closing my eyes, I hope to take a quick nap. I feel the exhaustion bone deep; it pulls me under in a matter of minutes.

_"Ben," a voice calls._

_"Mom?" I whisper seeing eyes that match my own staring back at me. I reach out for her but she disappears. "Come back! Please!"_

_A shiver runs up my spine, hot breath warms the skin at my neck. Sickly fingers curl around my neck holding me close._

_"You will always be nothing more than a dog."_

_I bellow at the top of my lungs, no sounds escapes though._

"Hey! Wake up!"

My eyes fly open, I thrash feeling pain tear through me so bad I vomit off to the side. A hand rubs my back, I'm gasping for air grasping at handfuls of grass to keep me upright.

"Seems like you were having quite the nightmare, son," a voice rumbles finally catching my attention. His green eyes rove over me, I don't see pity, instead, I see worry knitting his brows.

_"It's normal."_ I could understand English but I was born and raised here in Moscow. I couldn’t speak English.

_"What happened to you? Did someone rob you?"_ He responds in perfect Russian.

I gave a mirthless laugh. _"No, I willingly got into a fight with a man twice my size. The reason I'm in this state is no one's fault but my own."_

Sitting back on my haunches, I gripped my knees steadying my frantic heart and hard breathing.

_ "Why would you do that?" _

_"I need the money,"_ I mutter wondering why the hell this guy was asking me twenty-one questions.

_"You are willing to get the shit kicked out of you in the hopes that if you do win you'll get paid?"_ His head tilts to the side, scanning over me with a look of wonder.

_ "I usually win. They set me up. I wasn't prepared to fight a guy of his size. I'll train harder and never let that happen again." _

The man chuckles. _"You are dedicated, boy. Do you enjoy fighting for your dinner?"_

_ "It's not my fucking fault I'm living on the streets, old man. If you have got something to say then say it and leave me the fuck alone."  _

Forcing myself to my feet, I decided there was no time like the present to find something to eat just so I could be somewhat satiated.

_ "How about you listen to my offer?"  _

I stop, peering over my shoulder at the stocky man. Even though I was a good head taller than him he still had way more mass on him than me. There would be no way for me to fight him off if he decided to attack.

Curling my lip in disgust I glare at him hoping it will make him fuck off. _"I'm not in that line of business,"_ I spat walking a little faster even though it felt like walking on a bed of nails to do so.

_ "I'm not looking to fuck you, kid. I'm offering you a position working for me." _

I slow down, what the hell was he going on about?

_ "What kind of position?"  _

" _You'll learn how to fight and eventually you'll become one of my bodyguard's."_

_"You want me to be your fucking bodyguard?"_ My eyes feel like they are bugging out of my head.

_ "Yes, in due time. You have a fire that doesn't deserve to be put out so early. You have potential. I would rather that not go to waste." _

I couldn't argue with his brutal honesty. This was the chance to get out of the hell I'm currently living in.

_ "How much are you paying?" _

His lips curve into a smile. _"You won't be disappointed."_

∞

Kylo

Present

Gavin hadn't been lying. The training had been intense but in the end, I earned more money than I could have ever dreamed of. I didn't become greedy as most people would have. I picked out a plain apartment that wasn't fancy whatsoever, saving my money for more important things. He was paying me a shit-load to watch over Rey, yet, the money felt dirty when I saw it deposited into my account.

I didn't take care of Rey out of obligation anymore. I had realized that a while ago. I continued to sacrifice my time and life because I loved her. We protect the people we love simply because we love them.

She isn't a job. She is much more than that.

 I had thought about telling Gavin to keep the money, instead of being asked a million questions to why I would want such a thing I decided to open up a savings account strictly to pay for college for Rey. All the money I earned here went into that account.

Tomorrow, Gavin would be back in the picture but I'm sure he would be on the next jet back to Russia the following morning leaving her in the dust once again.

I would prefer him to not even come in the first place, that would be unlikely though. Finishing off my liquor I retire to my room, forgoing a shower I plop down on my bed staring at the stark white ceiling.

My eyes became heavy, just as I nodded off I thought of Rey's books.

Why the hell did they all look like…me?

∞

Rey

Age 14

He wasn't meant to see the covers. I had been careless thinking he wouldn't possibly bother me the night before my birthday. Turns out I had been sorely mistaken for assuming he wouldn't do such a thing.

I was too invested in my book to tell him to go away, rather have him get what he wanted to say over with and then maybe I would get peace and quiet.

I completely ignored what he said, finally at the best part of the book I was reading. The part where the alpha male told the feisty woman that he was tired of fighting their attraction and they would finally be together intimately.

It was moments too late when I saw Kylo shuffling through my books, his dark brows furrowed in confusion, midnight eyes darting over the different covers that all featured men that were way too similar to him in looks. Even when he was telling me about my father showing up out of the blue after four years I couldn't stop seeing the way he stole glances at the books on my nightstand.

He's suspicious, it was written clear as day all over his face, he was trying to figure out if his assumptions are true or if it's just a mere coincidence. I can like dark haired guys all I like it doesn't automatically mean that I find him attractive.

 Worrying my bottom lip I shove the books in my dresser, keeping them out of sight in case my father decided to venture in here. I didn't want him to get the same suspicions as Kylo did.

I _might_ have a tiny crush on Kylo but that was normal. It _had_ to be.

I went to an all girl's school and hardly had any interactions with boys my age. Kylo was the only one I was around a majority of the time and it wasn't like he is unattractive. He had bulked up over the years, his suits stretched over all the hard, unyielding muscle that had me watering at the mouth. So, yes, I thought he was hot but it wasn't like I would ever act on it. Kylo was older; he wouldn't want a scrawny little girl like me anyway.

Smoothing out my dress, I head downstairs, checking the time on the old grand clock. A quarter to six, my dad would be here any moment.

I find Kylo outside, smoke billows from his lit cigarette. His ebony locks are styled messily, slicked back but still managing to look like he just woke up. He wears black slacks that hug thick, muscular thighs, white button-up tucked into them stretching across the wide expanse of his chest. I can see his traps straining the seams of the material; at any moment it seems like it will tear open.

Clearing my throat I feel a thrill seeing his dark eyes land on me. "Hey, Kylo," I murmur threading my fingers behind my back.

"Rey," he simply says bringing the cigarette to his lips.

He hadn't called me Kotenok for such a long time, I missed it terribly. "I want something for my birthday, Kylo."

"What would that be?"

Gathering my courage, I released a shaky breath. "I want you to call me Kotenok."

He blew out a cloud of smoke. "I thought you were too old to be called that."

"It's just a term of endearment. Those don't have to have an expiration date right?"

"Right," he mumbled putting out his cigarette.

"So, please call me that whenever you like." I shuffled side to side, kicking at imaginary rocks feeling butterflies doing circles in my stomach.

"Whatever you want, Kotenok." His lips tipped at one side, a ghost of a smile but still good enough for me. The smile fell when a blacked out limousine pulled up, my father stepping out a moment later looking exactly the same as the day he abandoned me.

"Printsessa," he said with a broad smile wrapping his arms around me like he had the right to do so.

"Father," I chide shrugging his weight off of me. Something flashes in his eyes but is gone in the next moment before I can figure out the meaning behind it.

"Kylo, you look…different," my father comments patting Kylo's shoulder giving him a once over.

"You look the same," Kylo retorted fishing his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

Father laughs a deep sound that I used to love but now sounds grating to my ears. "You have packed on muscle, boy. You look well."

"Thanks, sir."

Father turns back to me. "I am at your mercy, printsessa. What would you like to do today?"

I glance at Kylo, he is looking off in the distance paying no mind to our conversation. All I really wanted to do was spend the day with Kylo like we had been doing for years. It was normal for him to buy me my favorite flavor of cake, he'd get me a bouquet of daisies, and then we'd watch a movie. It was simple, the way I liked it. The last thing I wanted to do was spend it with a man that I hardly knew anymore.

"We could go have lunch at my favorite diner," I suggest, shrugging a shoulder.

"That is all?" He asks not even hiding the bewilderment in his tone.

"Yes," I snap.

He nods, grimacing just enough for me to notice the pain behind his eyes. I could care less if my attitude towards him hurts. He was the one who left me. I had waited for him to come back and tell me everything would be okay but he never did. I didn't need him anymore. I had someone who could protect me and deserved my affection.

"Let's go, darling."

With a final wave to Kylo, I follow my father into his limo hoping the time would fly by so I can return home and spend the rest of my time with the one who was most important.

The one I loved.

∞

Kylo

I stared at the cake covered in white frosting, sprawled across the top ‘Happy Birthday, Kotenok', strawberry flavored. Her favorite. The bouquet of daisies sat in a vase so they didn't get dried out. I had planned to spend a quiet day with her like normal, her dad had thrown those plans to shit with his arrival.

The sting of jealousy festered in my stomach. I shoved it away, there was no need for me to feel that way. Rey wasn't my kid, even though I had given up my life to take care of her, I still had to let her dad take her out on her birthday. He wouldn't care that she and I had a tradition that we both enjoyed. She didn't need extravagant things to be happy. A trait that I hoped she never lost.

I stripped to nothing but my briefs, a bottle of scotch sat next to the cake meant for my Kotenok. I began to clean my guns, one after the other, distracting me from the fact I wasn't spending the day with her. Hours passed, dissembling and reassembling all my guns ensuring they were cleaned to perfection.

The once full bottle of liquor had hardly a shot left in it. Standing to my feet, I realized how intoxicated I was. It had been a while since I had gotten this wasted. Grabbing the bottle in one hand and my favorite gun in the other I kneeled on my bed aiming the metal at the wall. Shutting one eye I saw double, a chuckle started low in my chest until I began to laugh maniacally. What the fuck was wrong with me?

Collapsing back on my bed I let the bottle fall away, placing the gun beside me. I close my eyes only for a brilliant idea to snap in my head and I spring out of bed charging into Rey's room where I steal one of her books. It's a childish thing to do but my inebriated mind thinks it's the smartest thing in the fucking world right now.

Racing back into my room I shut the door, falling back on my bed I stare at the cover seeing a guy almost identical to me staring back. Opening it I scan over the pages, getting the gist of what is happening. It's a sports romance, enemies that eventually realize they don't hate each other as much as they thought. He is a brooding giant with dark looks and she is a girl half his size that doesn't want anything to do with a jock. She becomes his tutor and the rest is history.

_"I want to fuck you," he pants against her lips, grinding his hardening length into her stomach._

_"Not here," she murmurs, glancing around praying no one came to this section of the library._

_"Please," he begs unbuttoning her jeans sucking kisses on the exposed skin of her neck._

_"What if someone sees?" She panics, wanting him so bad but still pushing him away in the process._

_He groans. "You're right. I'm sorry."_

"Jesus Christ," I murmur shutting the book, unable to read any further. Isn't she a little young to be reading such dirty things? How the hell did she even get her hands on these books anyways? Is this what she spent her allowance money on? Books that were practically porn.

I hope she won't notice the book missing, deciding to put it in my safe so even if she tried to search for it she wouldn't find it. I'm not entirely sure why I'm keeping it in the first place, figuring sobriety will make that call for me. Right now I need to sleep off the alcohol coursing through me. Falling back on my bed I immediately am taken under by sleep.

"Kylo, wake up," Rey's voice shakes me from my slumber. Blinking her into focus I see tears racing down her face, my instincts kick in. I'm out of bed lowering in front of her checking if she is injured.

"What happened?" I bark out, she winces at the booming sound. Shaking my head I apologize to her lowering my voice. "Did something happen to you? Are you hurt?"

She wraps her arms around my neck. "I hate him so much, Kylo. I never want to see him again," she sobs clinging to me with a death grip. I wrap my arms around her waist tugging her into my chest.

"What did he do?" I ask prepared to kill the bastard.

"Work called, so he dropped me off here, and left without so much as a goodbye. He wasted a perfectly good day! A day that I could have spent with you," she cries miserably. My heart clenches inside my chest. I hate how protective I am of her. I'm ready to murder her own father for daring to break her heart. He should have just stayed the fuck away.

"I'm sorry, Kotenok."

She sniffled, pulling back a fraction staring me in the eyes with those sad hazels. "It's not your fault my dad is a cocksucker."

I bark out a laugh. "You are not allowed to say that."

Her lips curl into a smile, watery eyes begin to dry. "You cuss all the time, Kylo."

"I'm a bad influence. You aren't supposed to follow suit," I tease wiping away a few stray tears with the pad of my thumb.

"You may cuss like a sailor but you're still the best guy I know."

"I'm not a good guy."

She scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Don't sell yourself short, Kylo."

I'm not prepared for this conversation, I steer it away by taking her hand and leading her to where her cake sits. Her eyes go wide, a burst of laughter escapes her.

"You didn't forget," she whispers looking at me like I just gave her a million bucks.

"I would never forget your birthday." I hand her the flowers, tears bead at the corners of her eyes but I know this time they are because she is happy.

"Thank you, Kylo." She beams up at me.

"Happy birthday, Kotenok."

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO


	5. Hand of Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The child without a name grew up to be the hand  
> To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand  
> The choice he'd made, he could not comprehend  
> His blood a grim secret, they had to command."  
> -Within Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:
> 
> Kylo has a dirty mind.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Much love <3

Rey

Age 16

Our lips collide clumsily; his tongue shoves in my mouth feeling like a fish on land against mine. Messy and unpracticed to the point it felt gross. Still, I don't stop him shoving his shirt up and over his head letting him climb over my body so he can palm me over my top. There wasn't more than a handful but I don't think he cared much, all he wanted was a place to put his cock, and I was going to allow him to do that.

We had met at the local movie theatre, he ran into me his and his drink drenched me. Instead of still seeing his movie he helped me get cleaned off even offering the shirt off his own back. Ever since then we've been sneaking around behind our guardians backs. I tell Kylo I'm meeting up with Rose, and in reality, I'm meeting up with Caleb.

Today, I snuck him inside without Kylo noticing, a feat all on its own. We had agreed that we were both ready to take the next step and I didn't really care about losing my virginity. He would wear a condom and I'd no longer be virtuous.

He is grinding against my thigh awkwardly, I try to direct him between my legs but he is insistent in continuing to hump my leg. He slobbers against my neck, squeezing my breast like it was a squishy toy. I hadn't had high expectations for my first time, I figured it would suck either way but still, I didn't think I was about to have sex with a damn dog.

I'm about to tell him it isn't going to work when the door slams against the wall hard enough it creates cracks in the door. Kylo's furious eyes land on the two of us and our state of dress. His eyes flashed with danger, I'm strung tight as a bow, unable to form words to stop Kylo from killing the innocent boy.

Caleb is smart enough to jump off of me, raising his hands in surrender. Kylo wears nothing but sleep pants, his hair spikes out in multiple directions, every inch of him screams danger. Dark pools of rage race over me, he looks like a wild animal, and then suddenly he stalks off. Caleb hurriedly pulls his shirt back on. I adjust my clothes smoothing them out.

Kylo returns a moment later, his hand wrapped around a gun as he approaches Caleb.

"Kylo, just let him go," I hiss, grabbing him by his forearm. I flinch when he yanks out of my weak hold; he presses the gun right against Caleb's forehead. Caleb is quaking like a leaf in the wind, shaking his head back and forth trying to explain what was happening between him and me.

"If I ever see your fucking face again I will break you in half," Kylo snarls pulling back the hammer. That audible click reminding me of the nun he threatened, the one who never said another cruel thing to me after what he did to her. I left that school once I entered high school, still all girls but no nuns in sight.

"You will _never_ see me again," Caleb cries out, tears running down his tan cheeks.

"Get the fuck out of my house," Kylo demands lowering the gun, rage still filtering off of him in waves. There is a tension that makes every muscle on his body taut, veins prominent against pale skin. He shot me a look over his shoulder. I shivered turning to get the hell out of dodge.

"Don't you _dare_ fucking leave, Kotenok." My blood ran cold, nibbling on my lower lip I turned to face him, meeting vicious pools of black.

Kylo walked to my dresser placing the gun on top before looming over me, casting my gaze to the floor I fiddled my thumbs together. "Kylo, it's not a big deal," I nervously laugh, my heart plummeting into my stomach.

"Not a big deal?" He says slowly, I move my eyes up to where his shoulders are visibly stiff.

"It's just sex," I mumble, fingers clasp onto my jaw hard forcing my head up. His eyes are black as coal, no shred of humanity in them. I desperately try to find even a speck of amber and come back empty-handed. He closed the distance between us, his body even more massive when this close to mine.

"Just sex? You wanted that fucking good for nothing scumbag to take you?" His fingers dig hard into my jaw, enough to bruise.

"Isn't that obvious, Kylo? We were kind of on our way to losing our virginity."

I really should shut up. He looks much too close to snapping and I have no idea what that could entail.

"You're sixteen years old. Too fucking young to be thinking about having sex."

"Give me a break, Kylo. Everyone, my age is fucking each other."

"So, you think you're ready to get fucked?"

I scowl at him. "I think I'm able to make my own life choices without you breathing down my neck."

"I think I need to teach you a fucking lesson, that's what I think."

"Oh yeah? What are _you_ going to do about it?" I taunt him, daring him to make good on his little threats.

I'm not prepared for him to drag me to the bed, he sits down hauling me face down over his knees knocking the wind out of me just a little. His thighs dig into my stomach, I try to escape this uncomfortable position but his hand bears down right between my shoulder blades holding me in place. I let out a scream when his open palm collides with my ass.

"Kylo! What the hell! _Stop_!" I kick out, fighting against the single hand that is keeping me from escaping this humiliating act. I'm wearing a skirt on top of everything making it that much worse. His hand is heavy where it lands on me again.

These past two years had been the easiest of my life, Kylo and I co-existing in perfect harmony. I had thought he would behave more like an adult if ever did find out about Caleb and I. This had not been the reaction I was planning on. He had to know that I was eventually going to have sex, the act was inevitable!

"You think you want to get fucked, Kotenok? You think you understand how it feels for a guy to split you in fucking two?" He savagely growled. I recoiled from his fury but there was no way of getting away from him. My skin is on fire as I fight back tears, so embarrassed I can't stand it.

His next slap whistles through the air, crashing down on my ass so hard I lose my breath. Bucking under the pressure I suck in a lungful of oxygen when his thigh rubs against the spot between my legs.

_Oh god! Why did that feel good?!_

"Kylo, _please_ , stop! This hurts!" I plead my fingers tangling in the sheets. My forehead digs into the mattress when a flurry of slaps rain down on me only sufficing to rock my bundle of nerves into his thigh. I let out a sob, pleasure builds in low in my spine traveling upwards until I'm a panting mess beneath him.

He lets out grunts of exertion, giving me no break in between his slaps.

"Kylo," I whisper, clutching tighter to the sheets. As if this situation couldn't get more humiliating, I feel slick trailing down my thighs. Sobs begin to wrack my body and finally, I don't feel the sting of his hand.

"Kotenok," Kylo stutters.

His hand lifts off where it held me down, pushing up on weak arms I maneuvered off of him. Cringing when my desire slipped down my inner thigh to my knee. Kylo's eyes whipped to the spot, disbelief knits his brows, and the hand that had rained down my punishment shook burning a slight shade of red.

I wipe the tears off my face. "It's fine, Kylo. Let's just forget this ever happened."

His eyes don't falter from where wetness licks at my knee. I want to rub my thighs together to stop any more from rushing downwards but I remain stock still.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I don't know what came over me."

"You should go."

He nods, leaving the room.

I shut the door behind him knowing full well this would be one memory that haunted me for the rest of my days.

∞

Kylo

I return to my room, slamming my back up against the door.

What the _fuck_ had I just done?

I put a gun against some teenage fuck's head because he had been getting much too friendly with Rey. I was not about to let some dumbass like him put his scrawny cock inside her and get her pregnant with his spawn. Then she spouted her mouth like the little brat she is and I had gone and spanked her within an inch of her life.

If I hadn't zoned out her pleas for me to stop maybe I would have noticed when her breathing shifted. Maybe I would have noticed that she was no longer fighting me and her pleas had changed to begging…for more.

I knew what had happened to her and I had done that to her.

I had made her… _wet_ …oh fuck I had made her fucking wet!

_Shit, shit, shit!_

That had not been my intentions. All I had wanted to do was make her understand that having sex at such a young age would not be worth it. She didn't even comprehend that it wasn't going to feel good and that ignorant prick she had chosen wouldn't even think twice of shoving his cock inside her dry cunt. Boys only cared about one thing at that age and that was getting their rocks off. They didn't know the first thing when it came to pleasing a girl.

 I need to steer away from this topic altogether. I cannot be thinking about how much I would hate for some guy to take her innocence with no care for her well being. That was dangerous territory that I had already dipped a foot into when I thought spanking her was the perfect form of punishment.

Thrusting my fingers into my hair I give a hard tug wishing I could go back in time and not do what I just did. She was going to hate me forever and she would have every right to do so.

I decided to whip up some pancakes as a peace offering, knocking on her door I hope she is willing to let me apologize for real this time. To my surprise it opens quickly, Rey peeks out giving me a skeptical look. I raise the plate showing her the contents.

"Can we talk?"

She worries her lip, giving a jerky nod opening the door wide enough for me to enter. She shuts it softly behind her, turning to face me with her hand still on the knob. She glances at the pancakes, flitting them back to meet mine.

"What do you want to talk about?"

I set the plate on her dresser, crossing my arms over my chest I order my words in my head. "What I did was uncalled for. I thought by punishing you in such a way it would make you obey me. I didn't think about how humiliating it would be for you and for that I'm truly sorry. The pancakes are a peace offering. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

She tucks a strand of honey brown hair behind her ear, her cheeks are tinted red making the freckles that adorn her skin more vivid.

"Sure, Kylo. I forgive you," she says gently.

"Thank you, Kotenok. I won't do that to you ever again."

She wears a tight-lipped smile, her eyes growing dim simply nodding her head not meeting my gaze anymore.

"Is something wrong?"

Rey shakes her head, smoothing down her skirt that leads to golden thighs where the hint of her arousal no longer lingers.

"Did I hurt you?" I murmur, clasping the nape of my neck hoping that I hadn't caused her to be too sore.

"A little," she confesses tugging at the end of her skirts, skating a foot back and forth in front of her.

"I promise I'll never do that again."

"You already said that, Kylo. I'll be fine, really, thanks for the pancakes but I kind of want to be alone."

Respecting her wishes I leave her to be on her own.

I hate myself for wondering if my hand left marks on her golden flesh.

∞

Sweat trails down my chest, my head is thrown back eyes screwed shut as I allow myself to feel this pleasure. It had been a long time since I've felt a woman's cunt wrapped around me. After Ariel I didn't even bother looking, I didn't even dare to touch myself. Finally, years later I had gotten over whatever is holding me back and gave into my base desires stroking myself to completion every now and then.

I grab a bottle of lube squirting some on my hand, not bothering to warm it up as I slather it on my aching cock. Sometimes the need to come came out of thin fucking air and if Rey wasn't around to bother me I wouldn't hesitate to touch myself. Right now was one of those times where I needed to get off or else I wouldn't be able to think straight.

The lube feels so good aiding my hand in long, rough strokes that drive me absolutely mad. I'm breathing hard, chest puffing up and down as I squeeze around the tip tearing a ragged groan out of me. My thumb circles the head of my cock touching the spot right under it that always has me seeing stars. I like to tease myself, make me really desperate to come. It feels like a fucking dream when I do reach climax, it is overwhelming in a sense, but so fucking good.

I picture some random chick under me, one with a tight ass, and perky tits that fit perfectly in the palm of my hand. I thrust into my hand imagining it is my cock becoming enshrouded in tight, warm heat. I reach down grabbing my balls roughly, the mix of pleasure and pain a heady combination I can't seem to get enough of.

l'm fucking into my hand while dreaming it was some broad's cunt.

Consumed by my thoughts, I hardly register when the girl beneath me transforms into one with golden skin and an assortment of freckles lining every inch of her skin. I spread her globes apart, admiring the rosy tint to her ass where my hand left an imprint. Rolling her over I nip at the soft expanse of her neck, grinding my cock back into the space between her legs where she is gripping me so fucking tightly. My tongue laves over her nipple, my hand cups the other, a perfect fit.

This girl is fucking beautiful, the images I conjure up have never been this good. Whoever this girl is beneath me, she fits me almost too perfectly. She is a tiny thing, half my size, and yet, I feel right in her arms.

I'm getting closing to coming all over my stomach, really fucking wishing it was inside this woman I'm imagining. My strokes are faster, my cock is in a vice grip as I begin to reach my peak. The girl worries her lip, my eyes meet hers, and before I can stop myself I come on a strangled moan.

Spurts of cum hit my stomach and right as I finish shame pours over me like a cold bucket of water.

I did not just come to that thought.

I did not just fucking come to the thought of…

_No, no fucking way._

I clean myself off with my briefs, tossing them in my laundry basket, and pick out a new pair to wear for after I'm done showering. Scrubbing myself clean I dry off quickly and get ready for the day forgoing my usual morning workout. Right now, I don't think anything is going to make me feel less guilty for coming to the thought of Rey underneath me.

I don't even understand why my brain conjured up such a thing. I had been too far gone to stop myself and that had led me to think about her in that context. It didn't make sense and it disturbed me.

She was way too young for me. It had never been a blip in my mind to think about her in any way but brotherly. Now, out of all times, I think of her while I'm stroking my cock? _Are you fucking kidding me?_

 I've never been claimed to be anything but evil, still, I wasn't evil enough to fuck a girl who wasn't even legal. I have never even looked twice at teenage girls, real women were hot because they were sure of themselves, they had confidence that teenage girls just didn't possess due to inexperience.

It had been an accident.

I had shit to handle for Gavin and the last thing I could afford to be was distracted by silly thoughts that had meant absolutely nothing. Rey was at her friend Rose's anyways, so it wasn't like I had to face her anytime soon.

I would handle my assignment and that would be my main focus for the time being.

Gathering my things I set off to the location that is thankfully only a couple hours out of my way versus the usual jumping on a plane to take care of Gavin's dirty work. Scoping out the area I see an abandoned building that will be perfect to set up in. The night hides me from the view of others as I break in and travel up the winding stairs to the top floor. It's a beautiful sight to behold, unfortunately, I don't have time to admire the beauty.

Putting my gun together, I adjust the scope, aiming it at the party happening in a nearby office building. Gavin doesn't like loose ends. I guess someone at this party had a death wish when they made empty threats and tried to blackmail him. Finding my target, I exhale on a deep breath, and right as I'm about to pull the trigger a blast sounds by my ear. My ears ring as I stumble back seeing blood seep out where the bullet hit my shoulder.

 _Fuck_! I scramble back to my gun, peering into the scope to see someone on top of the building. How the hell had I not noticed them?

Firing my gun they dodge the bullet, flying off the roof, and disappearing into the night like a fucking bat. Aiming my gun back at the partygoers I see they are frantically escaping out of the building. I disassemble my gun with lightning speed, racing out of my hiding spot down the opposite direction of where my target was. My shoulder flared with pain but I refused to stop running until I felt safe enough to call Gavin.

"Kylo? Is everything handled?"

"No, I was shot," I rasp darting my eyes around as if the attacker will come out of nowhere as they did before.

"Are you serious?" He shouted, worry evident in his tone. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, he got me in the shoulder, it was a clean shot so I think I'll be able to stitch it up. The guy knows we're after him though, whoever shot at me had to have been hired to protect him."

"I'll look into it. You get home now and tend to your wound."

"I will."

We hang up at the same time, I gather my courage and sprint to my SUV checking to make sure that no one had broken in. Driving home is a nightmare, holding pressure to my wound I still find that I'm getting dizzy from the blood I have lost. I barely make it home, stumbling up the steps only for the door to be whipped open, and Rey standing there staring at me with a look of horror etched on her face.

"It's not as bad as it looks," I mutter.

The horror is replaced with determination. "To your room, _now_ , get rid of the shirt, I'll be back with supplies." She scurries off and I find the strength to make it to my room landing hard on the bed, groaning at the burning sensation that my wound is causing.

When she returns, Rey has needles, thread, bandages, and a lighter. She sets up quickly, heating the end of the needle before threading a piece of string through the hole. Grabbing my bottle of scotch, she pours it over my wound, I hiss as agony slices through me.

"I know it hurts but it will be over soon, just breathe," she soothingly coos and surprisingly it works at calming me down.

The needle hurts less than the alcohol and before I know it she is done putting bandages over the stitches.

"Thank you," I mumble patting her hand.

"You're lucky I came home early."

"Why did you?"

She shrugs, tugging on her bottom lip. "I just wanted to be home," she says tilting her head to the side. "Kylo, please don't get yourself killed."

Her lips lower pressing against my cheek, I'm unable to say anything but she doesn't give me a chance to anyways. She tells me to get some rest and leaves without another word.

Whatever was going on in my head, I needed to stop it in its tracks now.

I would never hurt Rey again.

Those thoughts would only lead me to a path too dark for even me to go down.

I couldn't afford to lose Rey.

Not now.

Not ever.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave comments <3
> 
> Kudos give me life <3
> 
> XOXO


	6. All For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've had enough  
> I need your innocence  
> Don't let up  
> Just give me your love  
> Give me your release  
> I need your healing with your touch  
> I can take it, I can all take the pain."  
> -Night Riots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My readers are amazing!!
> 
> You all make my day with your comments <3
> 
> Much love <3

Kylo

He's reckless.

A livewire.

He jumps headfirst into danger, never taking the time to think twice about the consequences of his actions.

He aims.

He shoots.

He kills then has the audacity to look over at me and ask if I want to get a fucking beer.

Poe Dameron is the man Gavin hired to accompany me on all my missions after I was shot and hit by an unknown enemy. We were never able to track down whoever that person may have been. That made Gavin uneasy and he wasn't about to take any chances with my life. He thought it would be best if I had a partner that would have my back in case that ever happened again.

It's been six months working this guy and I've already learned his entire back-story. If there is a break in conversation it makes him antsy, he has to fill in the silence, which means he talks to no fucking end.

I've learned that he takes his coffee with five sugar cubes; he likes to sleep with the window open because he loves the cold. He grew up in California and hated the sporadic weather. Ever since he was a kid he has practiced using guns, his dad was a cop, and he had wanted to aspire to be that when he grew up. Instead, his dad was murdered by a dirty cop, and Poe swore off that dream, revenge overpowered him. He trained relentlessly until finally, he did get the revenge he so desperately wanted. After, he traveled around the world with a sense of emptiness he didn't understand how to fill besides with women and drugs.

He ended up in rehab in Russia. When he got out a few months later, he studied the language and found himself an honest job. Poe gets bored way too easily though, makes him jittery, so he went in hunt for something exciting. Enter my predicament. Poe wound up running into Gavin, they got to talking, and there Poe stood in my doorway a week later.

I don't trust him.

Then again, I don't trust anyone except Rey. Gavin is never coming home, what he did to Rey helps me to understand he only has his own interests in mind. There is no way I can willingly trust him anymore. I do what I have to do to ensure Rey is protected.

I hated that Poe was allowed to be around Rey, he talked her ear off, and she would just wear a dopey smile that made me want to break his neck.

It is obvious Poe is used to getting his way with people. His smile always looks like he is the cat that caught the canary. He knows he is good looking so he uses it to his advantage with his coiffed hair and soulful eyes.

I dream about punching his face in, demand he not look at Rey twice but what would that even mean if I did such a thing all over the fact he makes her laugh until tears stream down her face. Something I have never been able to do. She stares at him with adoration, beaming up at him every time he showed up to accompany me on an assignment.

It makes me bristle with unkempt fury, my hands ball into tight fists, jaw clenching hard as I try to shove the feeling away.

Her seventeenth birthday is today and she wants Poe to join in on the festivities.

My blood boiled until I finally opened my fucking mouth and told her that I'd talk to him.

The reason why I'm at Poe's apartment on his day off to ask him if he wants to join us for cake and a movie per tradition.

Rapping my knuckles against the wooden door, I wait shifting back and forth on my feet hoping that he isn't home. The door opens, I exhale a breath a hadn't realized I'd been holding, biting the inside of my mouth to hold off the disappointment I feel seeing him before me.

"Kylo? Is something wrong?" He asks, dark brows furrowing in confusion.

I shake my head. "I'm here because Rey is turning seventeen today and she wants you to join us to celebrate her birthday."

"Are you serious?" He laughs shaking his head in disbelief. He leans against the doorway, running a hand through his hair which remains unaffected. My hair is a ruffled mess; I run a brush through it and let nature take its course. Poe almost looks like he's wearing a wig due to how perfect his hair is. I hate it.

"Do you think I'd honestly be here if I wasn't being serious?" I growl, thrusting my hands into the pockets of my jeans. It feels weird to wear them but Rey was getting tired of always seeing me in suits, for her birthday she begged me to wear ‘normal' clothes. The black Henley I'm wearing hugs my body just like my button-ups but it doesn't feel the same. Luckily, I've always worn combat boots, the one thing on me that feels natural.

Poe puts his hands up in defense. "Easy there, tiger. I'm just surprised she'd want me there out of all people."

"Trust me, I'm just as surprised as you."

Poe sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. He eyes me with a look that makes me uncomfortable as all hell. "You don't like me do you?"

"What gave it away?" I say sarcastically.

His eyes wander over my face. "What the fuck are you staring at?" I snap itching to break his face.

"You like her."

"What did you just fucking say?"

"Rey, you like her."

"No shit I like her. I've known her since she was ten. I love her like my own."

He sputters out a laugh, slapping a hand over his knee like what I said is the funniest shit he's ever heard. I step closer grabbing the collar of his shirt forcing him on the tips of his toes due to how much shorter he is than me.

"What the fuck is so funny, Poe?"

He wraps his hands around my wrists but doesn't force me off of him. He grins at me with his mischievous smile, right now he looks like the twenty-two-year-old man he is. Still, just a boy that likes to stoke the fire with gasoline.

"You're obviously in love with her, Kylo. You look at her the way a man looks at a woman he plans to make his for the rest of his life. She walks into a room, your eyes immediately latch onto her until she disappears. You're so fucking jealous anytime she laughs at my jokes or gets too close to me. Sometimes I actually fear you're going to rip my head clean off my shoulders. You have been her protector for so long that I don't think you even realized that you'd fallen for her."

"She is seventeen years old you sick fuck," I spat, my heart thunders inside my chest, a trail of sweat slithers down my spine.

He rolls his eyes. "Is that what helps you sleep at night?"

"I'm twenty-eight, you understand that right?"

"Do you?"

"Of course I fucking do! I would never think of her in any light but platonic!"

"Kylo, it is okay to love her more than just a friend."

I bare my teeth dragging his face closer. "I would never lay a hand on her in that way."

"What if she made the first move? Would you deny her then?"

I hesitate, he catches it his face breaks into a knowing look. I release him, taking a step away from him, and that look that threatens to shatter the walls I've built meticulously in my mind.

"I would stop it," I finally say with downcast eyes, unable to even look at him right now.

"I'll join you guys tonight. See you later." He slams the door in my face leaving me to face the truth of everything.

A truth that I would deny until my time was up.

∞

Rey

Kylo returned home some time ago. He went straight to his room and I heard the sound of the shower starting. It was a big hint that he wanted to be left alone, whatever had been said between him and Poe must have not been the friendliest of conversations.

Poe seemed easy enough to get along with. He has an effortless charm that I'm sure entices most people but Kylo is cut from a different cloth. I can see the hatred that emanates from his gaze each time Poe shows up at the house and hangs out with me. I'm sure it's because I actually make conversation with him, unlike Kylo who doesn't say a single word while Poe rambles on. Poe has tried countless times to get Kylo to engage on the talk but he just grumbles under his breath and goes back to drinking his whiskey, staring off at nothing.

I'm not entirely sure why Kylo hates Poe so adamantly. I'm sure he wouldn't discuss it even if I were to ask.

After tidying up my room, I rinse off and put on a bit of makeup that consists of red lipstick as well as mascara. I decide on fishnets, a plaid skirt, and a cute crop top to complete my birthday outfit. I throw my hair up into a ponytail and set off to find Kylo.

Venturing down the stairs I see the broad expanse of his back, the blue cotton showcasing all the hard muscle that lies beneath leading to a thick waist. He is adjusting the daises in the vase, he gave them to me this morning over breakfast. Waffles with strawberries, it was a delectable and thoughtful treat.

"Hey there, did Poe say he could come?"

Kylo whips around, grasping the counter behind him causing his shirt to wrap tighter around his arms. His chest is so wide I can't help imagining how it would feel to rest my hands there, trail my fingertips lower over stacked abs until I reached a place I longed to touch him. They were dangerous thoughts but I can't help it. Any guy I'm remotely interested in is dark-haired and dark-eyed, yet, they don't compare to Kylo. He is everything I want in both the looks and personality department. Kylo may be a brooding giant to most but with me, he wasn't just a brute. Kylo could be quite sweet, he's the one who has kept these birthday traditions going, and I love him for that.

Kylo casts his eyes to the ground, his brows cinch in the middle, and those perfect lips turn into a scowl. "Yes."

Kylo has always been straightforward but one-word answers? Not likely when he was talking to me.

I move into his space, his breath hitches as he drags his eyes to meet mine. "What's wrong, Kylo?"

"Nothing," he mutters.

I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear, exhaling a small sigh. "You don't like Poe, that's obvious. I'm just curious as to why you hate him so much?"

Ebony orbs wander over my face before settling back on my eyes. "Hate is a strong word."

Laughing, I shake my head in disbelief. "What else am I supposed to call it? You constantly avoid Poe unless you have to go off to work doing lord knows what. I like Poe. It's nice to have a friend beside you and Rose. Plus, I trust him, Kylo. He's not… _her_."

"How do you know that?" He says icily. "Ariel waited years until she tried to kill you. I trusted her and she almost-"

He stops talking. We are only inches apart so close that if I wanted to I could caress the scarred skin of his neck. I've never asked him why he has so many scars, choosing to remain oblivious of what he is doing for my father. He says he has killed but I'm not sure I want to know the extent of who and why.

He still doesn't know I saw him and Ariel together, that I knew how much it killed him that she betrayed not only my trust but everything he believed in. The jealousy that creeps into my heart at the thought he had been in love with her cuts like a punch straight to the gut.

 I see his parted lips hovering over hers, his head thrown back with a look that I couldn't place at the time but now know as wanton pleasure. I see the way he gripped her hips thrusting in and out of her.

 I see him pointing the gun at her and the look of pure horror crossing his face before he pulled the trigger.

She broke his heart.

With a shaky hand, I press it to his stomach, feeling the muscles tense as he draws in a sharp breath. Locking his gaze with mine, I see the flecks of amber shining through the black. I smile at the sight.

"Kylo, you know I never blamed you for anything that happened with her. I know you loved her."

"I never loved her," he stammers. I glimpse at his knuckles that have gone white where they grip the counter.

"I saw you two together."

" _What_?" He breathes trying to draw away from me but he has nowhere to go.

"I saw you two fucking."

His face turns into a cherry tomato, obvious against his pale skin. I see his jaw harden, dark eyes flitting away from my gaze. I jump when his hand lands on top of mine where it still lays on his stomach. Even with his face as red as a fire truck, his voice is steady when he talks, the hint of the stutter absent.

"When did you see that?"

"I was twelve. I heard noises coming from your room and being the nosy kid I was I checked to see what was going on. I should have left but I didn't."

He stares at me incredulously. "How much did you see?"

I worry my bottom lip, his hand only holds tighter to mine. "From start to finish."

"Are you fucking serious, Rey?"

"I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that. I'm so sorry," I rush out, feeling the shame crawling over me.

" _Why_?" He hushes out. "Why did you watch?"

His voice is so deep, husky in a way that shoots straight to the core of me. My knees grow weak with the truth of why I didn't run away when I saw them.

"You were beautiful. I couldn't stop watching you."

His eyes grow wide, the doorbell sounds, and we crash back into reality. He lets go of me, moving me aside as he heads towards the door. I see him rake his fingers through his hair, tugging at the thick strands before composing himself long enough to let Poe in. I hear them murmuring to one another and then Poe is walking into the kitchen dressed in a blue polo shirt paired with dark jeans. He holds a bottle of wine and wears a gigantic smile that only suffices to make me smile in return.

"Hello, darling. Beautiful as ever," he exclaims wrapping me into a hug.

I see Kylo over his shoulder; he is simmering with barely constrained rage. He sees me watching him his face flames with color once again. Tearing his gaze from mine he stalks over to pour himself a glass of whiskey.

Poe is rambling on while opening the bottle of wine grabbing two glasses and pouring them to the rim. He hands one to me and I gladly take it. I take a hefty swig enjoying the sweet taste.

"So, what movie is on the agenda?" Poe asks leaning against the counter.

"I was thinking Pulp Fiction."

Poe nods in approval. "Excellent choice. Let's do this."

We all head into the movie room, Poe and I plop onto the couch while Kylo sets up the movie.

Poe leans in close, his mouth by my ear. "What do you think of Kylo?"

Heat travels up my neck and flames my face. "What do you mean?"

"Do you like him more than friends?" He clarifies. I dart my eyes to Kylo who is still working on setting up everything. We have too many sound systems and thankfully they are coming in handy at the moment allowing Poe and I to talk about such a topic.

"I love him," I confess.

He lets out a deep chuckle, nuzzling his nose into my neck I giggle at the ticklish feeling. "He loves you too. I hope you know that."

I shrug, turning my head to look into Poe's dreamy chocolate eyes. "I wouldn't know. Kylo and I aren't really affectionate. He doesn't even hug me."

Poe gasps. "Not even a hug?"

"When I was younger he didn't mind hugging and all that but nowadays he avoids any physical contact with me like I have some incurable disease. I think he's just afraid I'm going to jump him and he won't be able to stop me.”

Poe covers his mouth, shoulders rising and up and down with his laughter. I swat at him, suddenly we feel the couch shift with the weight of another. Poe doesn't move away from me instead he faces the television again wrapping an arm around my shoulders pulling me close into his side.

I swallow hard, feeling the rage radiating from Kylo. His eyes are trained ahead of him but I hardly think he's seeing anything but red.

"This is one of my favorite movies," Poe whispers to me as the movie begins.

"Mine too," I whisper back.

A silence falls upon us, all becoming transfixed by the absurdity of this movie. Poe and I giggle at certain scenes when we shouldn't, the multiple glasses of wine we shared starting to make us both tipsy. As always Kylo remained stoic on his side of the couch, drinking his whiskey with the same pissed off expression he wears whenever Poe is around.

By the time the movie is over, I'm sure I'm more drunk than tipsy. My whole body feels lighter than a feather, shivering at the warmth that spreads throughout me. I snuggle closer to Poe, hearing his soft laugh. A loud slam jolts both of us, turning our heads to where Kylo has placed his glass on the table. He stands to his feet, midnight hair hiding his face from view but I see the way his massive frame is pulled tight. The veins in his forearms are prominent against his skin, fists clenched.

"Let's play a game!" Poe declares trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah!" I say jumping to my feet, big mistake as I get vertigo and almost collapse. Poe catches me before I fall and we erupt into a fit of laughter.

"You two behave like fucking children," Kylo growls grabbing his glass and exiting the room.

"You're just a big grouch!" Poe calls after him waving his finger in the process.

We slump back into the couch, both heaving a sigh. "That guy is impossible," Poe grumbles.

"Agreed."

"I don't understand how you've lived with him for so long." He shivers like the idea of being around Kylo night and day would be a nightmare.

"He's not all bad. He can actually be sweet and kind when he feels like it."

"I don't know why he doesn't just tell you how he feels."

"He's a lot older than me, Poe. I understand why he's conflicted. I don't want to pressure him into anything and I really don't want to tempt him either. I just want to be with him always. I really do love him."

"Oh, my sweet naïve darling," he teases lightly tapping the tip of my nose.

"I'm not naïve," I say rolling my eyes.

"So you think if you were to tempt him that he would stop?"

I bite my lip, clasping my hands together in front of me. "I don't know. I wouldn't want him to stop but I would understand if he did. If he didn't…I don't really know what I would do. I'd be nervous."

"It's normal to be nervous but if you both love each other I really don't see why you two can't be together."

"I told you, Poe. I'm not even legal. I would never do anything to get Kylo in trouble. Lust and love are separate things, one I can control, and one I can't. Even if I want to fuck him like crazy, I can't, I won't go there with him, but I can love him and there are no consequences with that."

Poe smiles. "You're quite wise for your age."

"I try. Let's go eat cake!" We both stumble out of the room, rearing back when we see Kylo standing in the doorway.

"We want cake get out of our way!" Poe shouts but Kylo doesn't move. There is a look in his eyes that causes both Poe and I to shut up immediately.

"What's wrong?" I ask moving towards Kylo. He steps away like I am going to burn him if I dare lay a hand on him.

Kylo glares at Poe. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Poe touches his chest. "Me?"

"Don't play fucking dumb," he snarls, seeming a lot taller than normal as he towers over Poe. "You don't have the right to talk to her about shit like that. She's seventeen you sick bastard!"

I'm surprised when Poe squares up, refusing to back down to Kylo. "She's old enough to talk about what she wants. She's not a little girl, she's a woman. I'm not a sick bastard for discussing things on that specific subject."

Kylo is seething, eyes so dark I'm afraid he's losing his mind. "I'm going to fucking _kill_ you!"

"Then do it, Kylo! You're just afraid of your own fucking feelings. You're scared because you love someone a hell of a lot younger than you and you don't know what to make of it. You can tell yourself I'm a pervert because I talk about sexual things with her but I'm not the one who jacks off to the thought of her!"

Kylo grabs Poe by his shirt lifting him practically off his feet. "I would never," Kylo stammered, his body trembling.

Poe's face fell, pity replaced anger. "I was just being an asshole, Kylo," he murmurs.

Kylo shakes his head. "I've never thought of her in that way."

My heart stutters, mouth falling slightly open at the realization that he's lying. He looks remorseful, regretful of the things that have plagued his mind. Kylo lets go of Poe, not meeting our eyes, his chest rises and falls heavily until finally, he escapes the room. I hear his stomps up the stairs and the slamming of his door.

"I should lie down and sleep off the booze. I'll take the couch. You should go talk to him."

"Thank you, Poe," I say and kiss him on the cheek. Steeling my nerves I hurry up the stairs and before I can stop myself knock on Kylo's door.

"Go the fuck away."

"Please, Kylo. Can we just talk?"

The door whips open, he reminds me of a wild animal, his hair a mess from the way he must have run his fingers through it a dozen times. His eyes dart between my own.

"What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

"Make it quick," he snaps allowing me to walk inside. I shut the door behind me, resting against it to keep me planted to the ground.

"I love you, Kylo," I say, nerves eating at every fiber of my being.

He exhales on a harsh breath. The fight leaving his body. "I love you too, Kotenok."

 "What I'm trying to say is I'm in love with you but I understand there's an age gap between us that would be frowned upon. I would never get you into trouble, Kylo. All I ask is let me stay by your side. Don't leave me."

He stares unblinking, revealing absolutely nothing to what is going on inside his head. I ambled up to him; his eyes followed my every movement making my heart pound even more.

"Kylo, _please_ , don't abandon me as my father did."

"I would never leave you, Kotenok."

"Then everything is alright between us, right?"

"Right."

"Thank you for another great birthday. I'll see you in the morning."

I'm about to leave when suddenly the door is being slammed shut, Kylo's large body closes in on me. His hands are on either side of my head his harsh breaths hit the side of my neck. I inhale on a sharp breath when his hand slides up my arm encircling my neck.

"Kylo," I whisper, shuddering at how much bigger he is than me. He could break me in half in a heartbeat.

"Kotenok," he mutters the pain evident in his voice. "You mean everything to me. You are my world."

"I know, I know, Kylo." I place my hand on his forearm, his hand trails up my neck cupping my jaw, the pad of his thumb lands on my bottom lip. He tugs at the plush skin, my mouth falls open instinctively. He slips it between my teeth, my tongue darts out tasting the skin. Kylo groans into the hair on top of my head.

"I love you, always, Kotenok. I would never hurt you," he insisted, turning me around to face him.

"I know."

His fingers trail over my jaw, gliding over my lips sliding into the parted space. My lips wrap around the invasion and suck. He pants pressing his forehead to mine.

"Kotenok, please," he groans gently pulling his fingers back.

"I just want one thing for my birthday, Kylo, just one thing and I'll never ask again."

"What?" He breathes.

"Kiss me. Just one kiss."

I'm arching into him; he clasps his hand on the nape of my neck, breathing so hard I'm worried he's going to pass out. "One kiss and nothing more."

I nod, clinging to the front of his shirt pulling him closer. His lips lower to mine, a tender, chaste kiss that still somehow manages to heat my blood. They are as soft as I expected them to be, much warmer though. The last boy I kissed had lips like ice. Kylo pulls away, searching my eyes. His hand fists my ponytail tugging my head back, his burly arm wrapped around my waist holding me impossibly close to him.

"Never again."

I nod once again. "Never again."

A bold-faced lie.

We're both liars.

I wonder when it will come back to bite us in the ass.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO


	7. Time Moves Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But it’s you who brought me here  
> It’s you and all your cheers  
> You who brings a fear  
> You, through all these years."  
> -Grouplove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow burn to the max but thank you for everyone who is sticking with this story! It means a lot <3
> 
> Much love <3

Kylo

Her lips, warm and soft as a fucking cloud.

Those same lips wrapped around my fingers, sucking, making me want her so damn bad.

Hazel eyes pleading for me to kiss her, pert tits pressing into my chest rubbing against me. I never knew I could ache that badly for any woman until my hand was on her neck and her fingers were tugging on my shirt pulling me closer.

That one kiss shattered my resolve into a million pieces.

I'm a good for nothing pervert for the countless nights I've thought of that time and touched myself to the memory.

It doesn't help that she flaunts around in short skirts, shirts that show off her midriff, and those godforsaken fishnets. I get hard as a rock when I see her in those flashy clothes that show off way too much of her beautiful golden skin.

I envision bending her over, flipping that skirt up, and taking what I want. The shame is quick to follow. Disgust at myself tends to settle low in my stomach and every time I cum all over my hand to the thought of her I want to crawl into a hole and die.

It had been six months since her seventeenth birthday, so many days where I lived in torment over my feelings. I didn't know what to do at this point anymore. The more we were around each other pretending that the kiss had never happened only sufficed to make it that much harder to not want her. I would have to keep these desires to myself or else I would wind up dead in a hole.

Her dad would be here tomorrow and I'd have to look him in the eye knowing that I'm having thoughts of his daughter I have no right to think. If he were to find out I felt anything for Rey in an intimate matter he would have my head on a stick and my balls shoved up where the sun doesn't shine.

He didn't explain why he was coming back into town but somewhere in me knew it was nothing good.

All I could hope for was that whatever it may be didn't take Rey out of my life. I don't think I'd be able to bear that at this point in time.

A life without her in it would be no life at all.

She's my world…

I just didn't know if that was going to lead me down a path I could never come back from.

∞

Rey

My dad arrived a few hours ago and the entire time he has been acting strangely. He can hardly look me in the eyes, shifting the conversation away from my questions if he is okay. Kylo lingers off to the side, arms crossed over his burly chest as he stares at nothing in particular.

There have been many nights where I press my fingers to my lips remembering the tender pressure of his against mine. I had wanted so much more but I had promised I would only ask for one kiss. He gave me that one kiss and it had been everything I could have hoped for. 

I couldn't help but daydream about how his tongue would feel inside my mouth, his body between my thighs, teasing me to the brink of madness. Almost every night I touched myself to the image of me lowering to my knees and taking him into my mouth. It made me crave the real thing, to see the faces he would make with his cock sliding in and out of my mouth. I wanted to hear the sounds that would escape parted lips and feel his fingers tugging at my hair, fucking my mouth desperate for release.

I take a glimpse at him, his eyes are still trained ahead but I see the twitch under his right eye, a dead giveaway that he knows I'm staring at him. I've seen the struggle that keeps Kylo from having his way with me. I see the way he stares at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention. Kylo would never admit that he wants me. I didn't need him to say it out loud for me to understand fully well that he would fuck me if he could.

"Rey, there's no easy way to say this," my dad says clinging to his whiskey glass. He turns to face me. "I have decided on an arranged marriage for you. You will marry a man that comes from a very powerful family. It will help to settle the rift between us. I'd rather not war with the likes of this man's father."

I sit there staring at him, the words he just spoke not computing in my brain. I shake my head letting out a laugh of disbelief. "What did you just say?"

"Rey, I know this sounds unappealing but Finn is a very nice gentleman and I think you two would get along delightfully."

"You don't know anything I want," I sputter standing to my feet slamming my palms down on the table.

My father heaves an exasperated sigh like he as the right to drop a bomb like that and expect me to go along with it as if it's not my life he's trifling with. "You are young and you will be turning eighteen fairly soon. It's time you take on the duties of a dutiful wife and learn your place in this world. You will marry Finn and that will be that. He will be here for dinner tonight and you will wear your best dress."

Heat spreads from the tip of my toes to the tip of my ears until it feels like I'm going to blow like a volcano. "You do not get to decide how I live my life! After you abandoned me you lost the privileges that come with being a father! You will not tell me who I will love and who I can marry! I refuse!"

"You do not get a choice in this, Rey! You will marry him and that is final!"

Tears stream down my face, I turn my attention to Kylo see his fists clenched at his sides, staring at my father like he is about to murder him. His eyes find mine and I see the absolute devastation that takes a hold of his features. I race out of the room unable to bear seeing such a look on Kylo.

I would have to attend this dinner and meet a man I would never love.

The one who has had my heart since I was just a girl is Kylo.

 He would have my heart always and forever

∞

I listen to my father. I do put on my best dress.

A white number that cuts low in the back revealing the smooth expanse of my shoulders. In the front reveals a cut down the middle sewed with white lace to keep some of my modesty due to the fact the dress goes to mid-thigh.

I wear black knee-high boots to finish off the ensemble. My hair is thrown into a messy bun and a dab of red lipstick is added to the mix before I head down the stairs to where the man I'm meant to marry already awaits.

I can hear my dad's obnoxious laugh when I find my way to right outside the kitchen where they all are in the dining room no doubt drinking expensive scotch.

Gathering my wits I stride into the room with my head held high ignoring both my father and the man he is using to ruin my life, heading straight to Kylo where he leans against the wall. He has changed out of his suit into a black t-shirt and dark jeans paired with his traditional combat boots.

He stands straighter, his knuckles bleeding white when I stand right before him craning my head back. Even in heels, Kylo towers over me. His eyes search mine trying to decipher what game I'm playing at.

"I'd really like a glass of wine would you be a doll and pour it for me, Kylo?" I flutter my eyes at him, placing a hand on his stomach reveling in the way it clenches hard.

"Rey, don't be rude," my dad demands. I raise my free hand waving him off still waiting for Kylo to answer me.

"Red or white?" Kylo implored, ebony orbs drifting to my chest wandering over the material. I didn't wear the dress for some stranger. I wore it for Kylo, all to see the hunger in his eyes, a hunger that we shared.

"Red, please," I said patting his stomach and turn to see my father with a quite handsome gentleman next to him.

He isn't all that tall but he was still a lovely specimen all the same with his cocoa skin and dark eyes. He was dressed to the nines in a Marc Anthony suit that molded to all his lean muscle. I was surprised to see the kind smile on his face even after seeing my little display.

"And you are?" I say walking up to him.

"Finn Hart. You must be Rey."

"The one and only." His smile deepens as he takes my hand gently pressing a kiss to the back of it.

"It's an honor to meet you, Miss. Rey."

I nod my head. "The pleasures all mine."

Kylo walks up beside me placing a glass of wine into my hand.  I thank him and he returns to his spot against the wall. He is brooding and I find it all too adorable, to say the least.

"So, Rey, your father tells me you really enjoy reading. What's your favorite book?" Finn inquires sipping on a beer instead of the scotch I had presumed he would take only to impress my father. It seems he didn't mind telling others what he liked. Not the worst quality to have.

"The Unrequited. It's about forbidden love," I say with a tiny smirk forcing myself to not peer over my shoulder at Kylo to see his reaction.

Finn chuckles while my father seems to want to flee to the hills at my blunt responses. "It seems very interesting. I'll have to read it sometime." Finn winks at me and I genuinely smile at him. I mean he wasn't the worst person to be around unlike I had previously thought.

"I highly recommend it. Unfortunately, my father hasn't mentioned a single thing about you. What do you like to do in your free time, Finn?" I ask sugarcoating my voice, acting like I can't see the pissed off expression blatant on my dad's face.

"I love hiking. Going on adventures has been my favorite thing to do since I was a kid and hiking to unknown areas has allowed me to keep my childish dreams alive."

"I think that's great. I do say keep that playful side of you alive and well. Sometimes growing up isn't all that wonderful."

Finn nods in agreement. "I totally understand what you mean. I'm only eighteen and I'm getting married," he murmurs wringing his hands together.

My brows furrow seeing how conflicted he is at the knowledge that he is to be wed at such a tender age. A confliction I feel deeply as well. I didn't even have the decency to think about what he is going through. It's obvious he too would rather wait to marry somebody he loved.

A timer goes off signaling dinner is ready. Kylo strides to the oven, grabbing an oven mitt, and with ease-that would require me to use both hands-he takes the lasagna out with one hand placing it on the top of the stove.

My father ushers Finn and me over to the dining room table placing us in seats next together while he took the head of the table. Kylo walked over placing the tray of lasagna in front of my father and hands him a serving utensil. My father scoops a pile of the meat on his plate, Finn does the same, and it goes back to Kylo who stands walking over to me serving me a piece. My heart thunders in my chest, my hand itches to place it on his forearm, and beg that he lets me service him instead.

He moves back over to his spot, serving himself, and we all dissolve in silence while we eat. The sauce hits my tongue and I almost moan out loud with the flavors that burst in my mouth. I've never had lasagna that's tasted this amazing, so many flavors that I'm devouring it like I haven't eaten in months.

"Did you make this from scratch, Kylo?" Finn asks.

"Yeah."

"You're very talented."

"Thanks."

Finn raises his brow at me; I shrug my shoulders rolling my eyes to tell him that's just how Kylo is with the male race. Finn covers a laugh behind his hand, Kylo catches us both trying to stifle giggles. His mouth turns into a scowl; he casts those dark eyes to his food stabbing his fork into the layers of noodles.

His jealousy always gets me hot and bothered. Every time he gets jealous his whole body goes taut causing his biceps to bulge, the veins in his neck stand out so much I can see his pulse beating an uneven tempo. His chest rises and falls slightly faster, just enough for me to notice the difference.

"So, you've known Rey for a long time?" Finn is brave to keep asking Kylo questions usually people get the hint with his one-worded answers. Kylo drops his fork it clings against the plate creating a loud sound in the room. He crosses his arms across his chest, indulging Finn on his questions.

He wears a cruel smirk. "Yeah, I've known her for a while. Practically raised her."

"Kylo," my dad warns but Kylo holds his ground refusing to back down.

"It's the truth, Gavin. I am the one who has been the one constant thing in her life for the past seven years."

My dad's jaw hardens, setting his fork down he steeples his hands in front of him. "Yes, you have kept her safe for a price."

Kylo bares his teeth. "It's never been about the money and you fucking know it," Kylo snarls looking like he is going to leap over the table and take my dad's head off.

"Say what you want, Kylo. You know I'm grateful for what you've done for her but she's going to be an adult. She needs to learn her place."

"You think marrying her off to someone she hardly knows is the wisest choice? You think that's what is best for her? I swear to fucking Christ if you say _one_ _more_ _thing_ about her needing to learn her place I am going to pistol whip you."

"You need to learn your fucking place too, Kylo! I'm the one who took you off the streets and gave you a purpose!"

"Murdering people! All that has been good in my life is protecting her," he growls pointing at me. "I told you when I first arrived here that I would die for her and that still holds true to this day. She means everything to me and I'm not about to let you marry her off when she is going to be merely eighteen!"

"You don't get to decide what is best for her! You are nothing but my dog! A servant and if you can't learn that I will fire you and you will never see Rey again!"

Kylo opens his mouth but snaps it shut, rising to his feet the rage seeping out of every pore. Without another word, he stalks out of the room and leaves his uneaten food to go to waste.

There is an unpleasant tension that settles over us.

"I'm gay," Finn mutters playing with his food.

I stare at over him and smile. His lips turn tilt up. “That’s wonderful,” I murmur.

My father stands and without a simple goodbye, he departs from the room. I hear the front door slam close and his car starting. As always my dad runs is running away from his problems. I'm so done with him that there is no sting at him leaving. I feel absolutely nothing.

"Sorry about that," I say and begin to finish my food before I go in search of my brute.

"Nothing to worry about."

"So, you're gay?"

Finn covers his face with his hands, exhaling on a deep breath. "Yes, it's why I couldn't go through with this. Not after seeing you and Kylo."

The fork hovers in front of my mouth, all the blood races to my face heating my skin. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's obvious the guy has the biggest hard-on for you," he cackled shaking his head.

"He does not," I blurt, dropping my fork on my plate and smooth down my dress feeling sweat bead on my spine.

Finn tilts his head to the side, staring at me like I'm insane. "You couldn't have been completely blind to the death stares he was shooting my way. That guy does not want anyone touching what is his. I'm surprised he didn't start barking at me. Then him defending your honor right now only proves that he really does love you so it's definitely not only about how much he wants to fuck you."

The doorbell ringing catches our attention. I'm not prepared for someone to show up. A sliver of fear runs through me that it could be someone dangerous. Kylo must have sensed my fear because I see him striding by the kitchen gun pulled. The door opens and I hear Poe's loud voice telling Kylo to watch where he aims that thing.

My shoulders sag in relief, I'm more than happy to see Poe as he walks in wrapping me into a big hug his eyes land on Finn and his lips tip into a smile.

"Well, you're not a familiar face. Who are you?"

"Oh, I was supposed to marry Rey but then that went to shit. I'm gay and yeah obviously I don't want to be with a girl," Finn rambles on and I see a slight tint of red on his cheeks as he lowers his eyes from Poe's. "Finn, my name is Finn."

Poe lets out a hearty laugh. "You're different. I like it. My name is Poe, very nice to meet you."

Poe extends his hand and Finn takes it with a wobbly smile. "Nice to meet you too."

Finn's hand drops back to his side. It's cute to see how much Poe has affected him.

"Where's Kylo?"

"Actually, I was going to go look for him. Would you mind hanging with Finn while I do that?"

"Sure, I have no problem with that at all." Poe plops down next to Finn giving him a warm smile that practically makes Finn melt.

"Thanks, Poe. See you soon, Finn."

I run off to his room, finding it empty. My room is another dead end. The bathrooms are all absent of one very tall man with dark hair and midnight eyes. I'm spinning in circles trying to find him until it all makes sense. I find him outside in the back, staring up at the moon in the shape of the Cheshire cat's smile.

Smoke filters in the air, the moon reflecting off of his mass of black hair that appears even shinier in the light. I admire him for a moment before making my presence known.

"He's gone."

"I know. Forever the coward."

"Poe is here. He's keeping Finn company."

"Ah, so your lover has decided to stick around? You must be so happy." He turns towards me, a sardonic smile etched on his face but I see the pain that dances in his eyes.

"He's gay, Kylo. He doesn't fancy women. I'm sure he already has a massive crush on Poe."

 "So, you're not going to marry him?"

"No, I wouldn't have married him either way because you're right Kylo, I don't need to learn my place. I already know where my place is," I say breathlessly. "My place is wherever you are. I want to be with the one I love and I won't settle for less."

He blows out a ragged breath, cigarette falling to the floor as he stomps over it on his way to me. When he's standing toe to toe with me his hands grab my jaw raising my eyes to his. He zeros in on my lips and my breath hitches.

"Kotenok, my precious Kotenok," he murmurs lowering his head pressing our foreheads together. "I don't want you to hate me."

"I would never hate you," I insist nuzzling his nose with my own.

"I want things I shouldn't want, Kotenok. Things that should put me six feet under. I can't act on these impulses. I will never hurt you. You're my girl."

"What things do you want, Kylo? Tell me, _please_."

We're both panting into the space that separates our lips, his eyes have darkened, body moving closer to mine as he walks us backward until my back hits the wall.

"Don't make me say such things," he whispers. I'm worrying my lip seeing the torment this is causing him but I need to know what he is talking about.

"Please, Kylo. _Please_."

He lowers one hand to my neck, fingertips running over my rapid pulse. His mouth is hot near my ear. "I want you."

A moan gets caught in my throat. "What do you mean?"

"I want to put my cock inside you, see the face you make when I'm stretching you out. I want to fuck your sweet cunt until you're screaming my name to the heavens. I want you so bad, Kotenok."

"Kylo," I whimper and wrap a leg around his hip dragging him against me. He groaned low in his chest, roughly dragging the bulge of his cock against my middle. My fingers find purchase in his hair, holding tight to the thick strands.

He grips my neck dragging his lips across my jawline, nipping hard right on the tender spot where my ear and jaw meet. His voice is low and intense when he speaks next.

"I'm not worthy of you, Kotenok. I'm nothing more than a loyal dog."

"Shut up," I hiss, yanking his head back seeing his jaw clenching, the twitch under his right eye. Above all that I feel the way his hand trembles where it lays on the nape of my neck. "You're everything I could ever want, Kylo. You have protected me from the evil of this world and have filled me with so much love I don't know what to do with myself. I just want you Kylo. I want to feel you fucking into me."

His eyes are pitch black, teeth gritted. He almost seems frozen in place not quite sure what to do. Something snaps a moment later, his hands go under my thighs lifting me as if I were a feather. A gasp rips out of me, my legs wrap around his waist instinctively, his pelvis settles between my legs, and I feel his cock insistently pressing against the seam of my panties.

His lips slam against my mine, rendering me speechless. This kiss is nothing like the chaste one we shared on my birthday. This one is lit by an inferno that threatens to devour me whole. Suddenly, his thumb and forefinger grip my chin forcing my mouth wider.

"That's it, Kotenok, open that pretty mouth for me," he pants against my lips. My brows furrow, rotating my hips to relieve the ache that has caused a mess in my panties. I'm worried due to how wet I am it will leave a stain on the front of his pants.

With the tip of his tongue, he traces my bottom lip before slowly slipping it back inside to meet my own. The slow roll of his tongue against mine makes my insides feel like they are on fire. I'm burning up from the inside out. His hand begins to slide over my hip, skirting up the sleek material covering my midsection until he reaches my breast. He cups it gently squeezing, my lack of a bra giving him easy access to touch me intimately.

His thumb strokes back and forth over my nipple, causing it to turn into a hard peak under his ministrations. Hot shivers traveled through me, the pleasure I was feeling, unlike anything I had felt before. There was no going back from this and that was perfectly fine with me. I had to follow my heart, I needed him, and that was never going to change. Not in this life nor the next.

He holds me with his powerful arms, our lips moving in time with each other. Desperate for more. His length drags along my panty clad slit, bumping my swollen clit with every thrust. Our mouths break away from each other, my head tips back as I release a low moan. I am losing all rational thought, my pussy gushes even more, and I raked my fingers over his back clinging to the material.

My heart longed for his, my entire being, what made me what I am desired to always be with him. His moist lips peppered kisses along my cheek, dragging down to my neck where he licked at the hot skin, biting gently into the skin there.

"Kylo? Rey?" Poe said coming out before we could separate. His eyes widen as he sees the position we are in. "Well, can't say I'm surprised." Poe laughs shaking his head.

"Go the fuck away, Poe," Kylo growls.

Poe holds up his hands. "Hey, don't let me stop you. I'm just going to go back to hanging out with Finn. He's freaking awesome."

He gives us thumbs up before disappearing back inside. I groan and hide my face into Kylo's neck.

"That was humiliating."

He softly laughs. "I got carried away, sorry.”

"I liked you getting carried away."

He pressed his forehead against mine. "I'm yours, Kotenok."

"I know."

His lips found mine again, hips finding their rhythm rocking against the bundle of nerves that were now alight with need. The seam of his pants rubs against my core so much so it feels like he's practically rutting inside me taking my innocence with one long stroke.

I come so hard I go deaf and blind for what feels like hours.

When I come back to, Kylo is setting me back on my feet and resituating himself. He smoothes his hair back and stares down at me with a look that is hard to read.

He kisses me one last time before we go inside and go to our own rooms noting Poe and Finn are nowhere to be found.

I shut the door behind me, still quivering due to the orgasm he gave me without even being inside of me. I could only imagine how it was going to feel when he finally gave in to his base desires and took me the way I wanted him to.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO


	8. The Death of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I never had it bad like this before  
> I gained a couple battle scars, but I never thought I'd be losing this war  
> Surrender doesn't cut it like it did before  
> So you can put your white flag down, hold out your hand  
> Don't let go 'cause this love is worth fighting for."  
> -Meg Myers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter took forever to arrive and for that, I am very sorry!!!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Just a warning it does end on a slight cliffhanger!
> 
> You all are amazing!
> 
> Much love <3

Kylo

My number one rule was to protect Rey.

My second rule was never allowing myself to get too comfortable. When you get too comfortable shit hits the fan. It is life's way of telling you to open your fucking eyes to the dangers that lurk around every corner and some even in plain sight.

I shouldn't have allowed myself to think I would ever get what I wanted in this life.

My kind isn't supposed to fall in love. Especially not with a girl that is entirely off limits.

She's too young. Too naïve to the scumbags that exist in society, I used to be one of those scumbags until her father took me off the streets. A man that I had betrayed by even daring to lay a single finger on his little girl; I wasn't a fool. I knew my luck would run out.

You don't hide things from Gavin Kostava and live to see the next day.

I fucked up.

I should have known better.

∞

"Kylo, my boy, you look great," Gavin exclaimed patting me on the cheek before following me into the dining room.

 He rambled on about all his recent endeavors; he was more cheerful than the past couple of encounters. It should have been a red flag that I caught onto but I pushed my natural instincts aside in favor of believing Gavin would never hurt me.

Rey was setting the dining table, placing a piece of roasted chicken on each of our plates. She set the plate down to exchange a warm hug with her father. He told her how beautiful she was and took his seat, a smile stretched across his smile, sincere and inviting.

There were multiple warning signs flashing right in my face that I chose to ignore.

His green eyes held no warmth when they landed on me. I felt the slight tremble in my hand, an icy feeling washing over me.

He seemed calculating, watching the way Rey and I interacted. It was a knowing look that had sweat beading at my forehead.

His voice seemed off, a fake sound which lacked any true feeling.

There was something he wasn't telling me and it was driving me mad.

"Is everything okay?" I finally blurt out getting a confused look from Rey before I turned my eyes to Gavin, repeating my question with a little more finesse.

Gavin leaned forward, steepling his fingers together in front of him. He tilted his head to the side, eyeing me with contempt, "Are you fucking my little girl?"

The fork in my hand slips to the plate, my heart galloping like a horse inside my chest. "Sir, do you honestly believe I'd do such a thing?"

He shrugs, leaning back. "I don't know, kid, you tell me. From the security cameras outside the property, I saw you getting a little too close for comfort with my girl."

"Pa," Rey whispers. He raises a hand silencing her as his calculating eyes continue to hold mine.

"Sir, whatever you saw, I can explain," I began but he raised his hand once again cutting me off this time.

"Kylo, save your breath, I saw the way you two embraced each other like lovers. You had your hands all over her and you can't deny that unless you want to be known as a liar on top of what you truly are, a pervert that laid his grimy hands on my daughter. You had no right to touch her you filthy dog," he snarls low and unyielding in his rage.

My hands clench into hard fists. "I know you're mad, Gavin, but Rey means everything to me. I would _never_ hurt her."

He scoffs, a bitter laugh escaping him a moment later. "You want to put your scabby cock inside her, Kylo. _You_ , a guy that has nothing to offer her, you are worthless."

I stand to my feet; he doesn't hesitate to raise his gun aiming it right at my forehead. "Gavin, you know I've done nothing but protect Rey. I love her."

"How long have you had these kinds of feelings for her you sick fuck?"

"I've always loved her, Gavin, and I always will."

"It doesn't matter, Kylo. She is only seventeen and do you honestly believe that when she is eighteen it just makes it all better? Are you really that fucking stupid?"

He's not wrong. I am a fucking pervert for wanting Rey. I just can't find it in me to give a fuck right now. She is the only one I want and if she told me she didn't want me I would respect her wishes. I'd leave her alone but if she wants me I don't think I'm strong enough to deny her.

"I know what you must think of me but as I've said a million times before, I will never hurt her. I'm her protector. I pride myself on how willing I'd give up my life for hers. Can you say the same?"

"Don't test me you son of a bitch, what did you do, brainwash her into wanting you?"

"Pa, enough! Kylo and I are both adults, old enough to decide whether or not we want to be together. Put the gun down!"

"Silence you, impudent child! You don't get to open your mouth and talk when you let this man violate you! You are too young to be even thinking of entering into a physical relationship, especially not with the help!"

" _The help_!? Kylo has been my best friend all these years! He's the one that has kept me alive and cared for me. He has made me feel loved all my life, unlike you or mama! I don't even know what happened to her! I do know wishing she would come home is futile! She's dead, isn't she papa!?"

"Your mama was a dirty whore that thought fucking a man half her age would make her feel good about herself. If you think Kylo can give you what you want then you are sorely mistaken, child."

Rey's eyes widen, she scans her father like he is a heartless monster. I know my expression matches hers. All I want to do is hold her in my arms and tell her everything will be okay but I know things are not going to go my way. I was prepared for a world of pain that I may or may not come out alive in the end.

"Did you kill…mama?" She asks astonished, desperate that this assumption is just a figment of her imagination.

Gavin cocks the gun. "Mama had what was coming to her and so does he."

"If you kill him I will have you arrested!" Rey hollers tears stream down her pretty cheeks.

A smug smile creeps on his face. "I own the police, little one."

"I love him, papa," she cries, moving towards me.

"Stay back!" I demand. She stops, going completely rigid at my stern tone.

I raise my hands in surrender moving to stand before Gavin. "Do what you have to."

The end of his gun smacks right into my temple knocking me on my ass. I see spots of white filling up my vision, reaching out blindly to steady myself. A wet, gooey substance runs down the side of my face, the realization that it is blood makes me almost retch.

"Papa! _Please_ , don't do this!"

My vision clears only to see Rey's horrified expression. The pain I see in her hazel eyes renders me breathless, seeing this will destroy her. Tears mix with the blood pooling on my skin.

"Don't look," I say weakly right as a hard punch lands on my jaw. I groan in agony rolling onto my stomach pushing up on shaky hands and knees only to feel a strong kick literally take my breath away.

I'm gasping like a fish out of water, crawling to escape the pain raining down on my body. He doesn't stop hitting me on the back, kicking my arms out from under me but I keep clawing my massive body away from Rey. Desperate for her to not see me die like a pathetic failure.

His fingers sink into my hair tearing my head back forcing me onto my knees, the cold metal pressed against my temple. "You could have had anyone, Kylo. Why did you have to mess with my little girl?"

I'm sure I'm seeing things, my vision is honing in and out. Blood seeps out of my nose from the hard punch he landed right on the fleshy part. I didn't know if it was broken or not. A numb sensation started to creep through me.

"I love her," I mutter through my delirium.

"I loved you like a son, kid. You broke my heart."

"You called me a dog. That's all you thought of me all these years, not her, no, she loves me for me. I don't have to pretend when I'm with her. I'll die knowing there is no greater love than hers. You will never know such love because you are a heartless bastard who never deserved a daughter such as she. Go ahead and kill me. I regret **_nothing_**."

"A swift death would be too good for a dog like you. No, I think torture sounds a lot more appealing."

"Papa! Please!" Rey sobbed, my eyes flick over to see she's on her knees clutching her stomach.

The sight is worse than the ache in my head or the ringing in my ears. Seeing Rey anything but happy is a miserable thing to witness.

Her smile can light up the world, wide, and inviting. It warmed me from the inside out; all I wanted to do was bask in her light. She rid me of the darkness inside my soul and now it was coming to an end.

I would be tortured and killed.

I would never see her vivid smile, her bright eyes, or all those endearing freckles that only sufficed to make her even more beautiful.

I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.

Gavin's fist raises and everything goes dark.

Goodbye, Kotenok…

∞

Four Years Later

Kylo

Darkness follows me.

I feel it in every pore, sinking into the marrow of my bones, threatening to eat me from the inside out.

Insomnia keeps me up, spiraling over and over inside my head. When I do find a wink of sleep the nightmares that plague me are enough for me to keep my eyes wide open. I need sleep but there truly is no rest for the wicked.

I sleep upright in a chair, my gun clutched in my hand just waiting for the day somebody decides to have it out for me. There is too much blood on my hands. Eventually, somebody would have their revenge on me.

I rub the scar across my chest, the one that was given to me by a man I thought I could trust. Turns out I had been wrong to assume he would truly take me in as one of his own.

I shiver at the memory of the blades digging into my skin, the sardonic laughter of men that had once pat me on the back after a mission; men that I thought I could trust with my life. Now, I didn't trust a living soul.

I had to do what I needed to survive. A couple of dislocated wrists later and I had murdered all my "friends" and the man who saved me from a life on the streets. Lying in a pool of my own blood I thought I was going to die along with all of them. Before I passed out, Poe somehow found me and patched me up at his place. The asshole even gave me blood.

He saved my life. For that I was grateful but I knew in my heart that my life had to change. I had to stay away from Rey. I would only bring danger to her. There were men still trying to kill me due to what I did to Gavin.

Russians are fucking insane, luckily I was born and raised there most of my life. I had the ability to act and think like one of them even though I had spent most of my adult life in the States.

Maybe I wasn't wrestling baby tigers at a young age but I knew how to survive in below freezing weather with bruises and broken bones. I had done in my fair share of bad guys over these past four years. Men that would use Rey against me if I had gone back to her.

This was for the best. As far as these outsiders knew, I just killed Gavin for selfish reasons, not because he tortured and practically maimed me. They would never go after Gavin's little girl but if they knew what she meant to me and the real reason why I turned on Gavin then I'm sure they would make sure to use her to bring me down to my knees. A place I didn't want to be ever again.

Rey has a better life now that I'm not in the picture.

She attends a prestigious university where she is excelling in engineering.

She has friends that she goes out with on the weekends to see movies or go shopping for things she probably doesn't need.

She has even found a guy or so Poe said. He didn't give me any details on that part, choosing to keep me in the dark on the matter.

She was mine. She always would be.

Still, I couldn't go back barging into her life. I had to keep my head down and focus on finishing off these persistent Russian fucks.

This was all for the best.

∞

"Tell me why the fuck I'm in a crowded bar with people half my age?" I bit out watching Poe stifle a laugh behind his hand.

He grips my shoulder. "Relax, we're just having a couple beers, plus you don't even look old Kylo. No one is going to think you're older than me."

"Do you not see all the wrinkles on my face?" I grumble sarcastically. The fact that I look young not helping me feel any more comfortable in this crowded bar.

I drain the whiskey in my hand, tapping the bar for another. A bartender quickly poured me another and I quickly asked for a beer. He nodded adding it to my tab and handed me a Corona. Thanking him I found space against the wall where no one seemed to be migrating to.

Poe was dancing with a couple girls, whispering sweet nothings in their ears no doubt. Rolling my eyes I tossed my whiskey back and washed it down with my beer.

 Some sports game was on making the entire bar holler in disapproval or cheering when things went their way. People played darts, others pool. Hands down this was definitely the last place I ever wanted to be.

I'm not quite sure how Poe convinced me into coming out tonight. The guy knew how to manipulate anybody to do his will before they even understood what happened. Somehow I had fallen victim to his "charm."

All I did these days was work in construction and kept my head low to not raise suspicion. I lived in a studio apartment in a neighborhood that wasn't all that great. I was what they called a minimalist. It was easier to move if I didn't have many belongings.

Going out was not something I did often. The occasional bar going where I drank a few whiskeys and headed back home to pass out to replay the same day over and over again happened from time to time. Women were interested but I couldn't think of anyone except Rey.

She haunted my thoughts becoming just another thing that kept me up at night.

 Abandoning her may have been for the best, and yet, it still cut like a dagger in between the ribs.

I missed her to the point it made me sick to my stomach.

"What are you doing all on your lonesome?" A sweet voice calls over the noise of the crowd.

I peer down to see golden skin dotted with freckles, chestnut hair flowed to her shoulders where more skin was revealed to my hungry gaze. She wore a red and black plaid skirt, white knee-high socks, and a white button up that was tucked into her skirt. Black heels adorned her feet. This girl was a wet dream come true.

My attention finally landed on hazel eyes and suddenly I was reeling back. The familiar face made my heart stutter before turning into a maddening rhythm. The lights may have been quite dim but I knew exactly who was standing in front of me.

She tilted her head to the side, eyeing me, trying to pin who I was no doubt.

"I know you," she slurred. She was drunk. Great.

"No, I don't think we've ever met," I mutter, lifting the beer to my lips taking a hefty swig.

She crowds my space, placing a palm against my stomach making me tense up. "I know you," she repeats seeming more sure of herself this time around.

"Who do you think I am?" I ask.

She trails her fingers up my abs and back down. "I think you're the guy who is going to take my virginity."

I balk at the blunt response, entirely unprepared for her to say such a thing. "What the fuck are you talking about?" I blurt, heat floods my cheeks.

"I've been searching for the perfect specimen to take me and I think you are the perfect fit. You are tall, strong, and handsome. Please, I know it's a big thing to ask but I'm so tired of being a virgin. Please, fuck me, make me hurt, make me feel it so deep I can't take it anymore." She rambles on and my cock decides to stir to life due to what she is asking of me.

Does she really not know who the fuck I am?

It's only been four years. There is no way I look that much different.

The scar on my face a dead give away to who I am. I've had this scar since I met her, receiving it in one of my first missions when I wasn't paying attention.

She has to be extremely intoxicated. The best thing I can do for her is to get her back home safely.

"Alright, take me to your place," I say and finish off my beer.

I take her hand in mine and lead her out the door not even bothering to tell Poe I was leaving. He would find his own way home I'm sure. I lead Rey to my truck, helping her inside, and take my seat in the driver's spot. I'm still surprised she hasn't recognized who I am.

She gives me directions and from there the drive is fairly silent between us. When I arrive at her place it is a small one story, a house that suited Rey in every way. Her dad's money was at least helping her live a comfortable life. That's all I had wanted for her.

I follow her into the house, the walls are a soft cream color, and a couple of paintings adorn them. She turns on the lights and beckons me to continue to follow her until we arrive at her bedroom. The bed is surprisingly big, a king-sized if I'm not mistaken with red sheets coating the mattress.

She flops back on it, pushing up on her elbows. A sly smirk is upon her gorgeous face, her knees part, a teasing motion to make me look at what she is offering.

"You need to sleep off the alcohol. I'll get you a glass of water and you should probably take some Advil. I just wanted to make sure you got home safe."

The smile falls off of her face. She snaps her legs closed and gives me an incredulous look.

"You don't want to fuck me?" She worries her lip, a familiar movement that has me moving towards the bed. Before I can stop myself I'm grasping onto her jaw with both hands, thumb tugging at where her lip is sealed between her teeth.

Her eyes are wide, lips parting on a soft gasp that has sparks shooting through my entire being. I need to stop before this gets out of hand. I need to stop. It's what I tell myself as I lean over her, angling her head so our lips are aligned, a hair's breadth from each other.

"Of course I want you. You are the prettiest girl I've ever laid my eyes on."

Her eyes flutter closed, a soft pink tint floods her golden skin emphasizing the countless freckles. "Then take me," she whispers, desperation lingers in her tone.

I cradle her face tighter, letting out a ragged breath that hits her lips causing her to shudder. Fingers reach up digging into my wrists. I press a light kiss to her lips, my heart is thumping way too fucking hard. Another soft kiss to the corner of her lips, to the tip of her nose, and another to the apple of her cheek.

Her fingers lace through the chain of my dogtags and tugs me towards her.

My lips find hers again, rougher this time. Hungrier. Desperate to consume her essence. Needing to absorb the light that radiates off of her. It makes me feel like a human being again. I've lived in the dark for so long I forgot how good it felt to bask in her warmth.

My Kotenok.

My girl.

My fucking everything.

She was once again in my arms, safe for now from the dangers that threatened to close in on me and take all that I loved away from me.

"Kotenok," I murmur against her lips. I feel her tense beneath me, palms land on my chest pushing me away from her hard enough that I almost fall off the bed.

"What did you say?" She asks in disbelief.

I shove my fingers through my hair, tugging on the strands. "Nothing," I mutter with a shake of my head.

She reaches over to her nightstand grabbing a pair of glasses, my brows furrow in confusion. They sit adorably on the bridge of her button nose, black-framed glasses that suit her perfectly. Then, realization dawns on me that she wasn't able to even tell who I was. She had picked me up without any hesitation, drunk out of her mind.

 Could I have been anybody to her?

Was she lying about her…virginity?

Her hazel orbs roam over me, I see understanding wash over her. She gasps, covering her mouth with her hand. Her brows have risen so high on her face they are practically touching her hairline.

"Kylo…is that you?" She whispers moving closer to me, eyeing me with surprise.

"Yes, Kotenok."

"You're alive," she says in awe, reaching a shaky hand up, fingertips caress the scar that adorns my face.

"Did you really think you could get rid of me so easily?" I say playfully doing my best to lighten the tense feeling between us.

"Why didn't you come back for me, Kylo? I was so lost without you." She worries her bottom lip and I can't take not touching her anymore.

I reach forward and stroke her cheek tenderly. "I know. For that I am sorry. I've been facing many dangers due to what I did to your father and his men. I couldn't stand the thought of getting you involved. I did what I had to ensure your safety."

"I _needed_ you," she snaps suddenly pushing my chest, my signal to stop touching her. I yield to her will and lay back staring up at the ceiling.

"I had to protect you. Rey, I love you so fucking much. Thinking your life could be on the line wasn't worth the risk of keeping you around me. It was for the best."

"I only wanted you, Kylo. You betrayed me by abandoning me. I had to live in some church for a year before I turned eighteen and was able to collect the money my father gave me in case he passed away. I dreamt for years that you would come back to me and you never did. Now, you're here and you couldn't even tell me who you were? What is wrong with you, Kylo?"

She gets off the bed fixing her skirt. I move off of the mattress with lightning speed, capturing her face in my hands.

"Rey, I thought of you every single day and night for the past four years. I just wanted to keep you safe because I love you. I don't know what is wrong with me but I do know that I don't want to spend another day without you in my life."

"Kylo, I missed you so much. My heart-," she chokes up grasping onto the place where her heart sits. "My heart has felt so empty without you around. I thought you were dead. I thought I would never feel your touch again or feel your warmth surrounding me. How could you not come back for me!?"

My brows draw together, emotion clogs my throat, and I feel tears well up in my eyes. "My precious Kotenok, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to protect you and keep you away from all the dangers that follow me. It was pure torture not being by your side."

Tears begin to stream down both our faces.

"Don't leave me ever again," she demands.

"Duly noted," I say and bring her lips to my own.

I would never be separated from her again.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO


	9. Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And I feel the light for the very first time  
> Not anybody knows that I am lucky to be alive  
> And I feel the light for the very first time  
> Not anybody knows that I am lucky to be alive."  
> -Aurora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A whole twelve pages of smut! Enjoy <3
> 
> Thanks once again to everyone who is sticking with this story! You all are amazing!
> 
> Much love <3

Kylo

Her lips are warm, so damn soft.

Just how I remembered them to be.

I had wanted to stay as far away as possible from Rey because I knew that my life was still in danger. Which meant that by staying with her would also put her life into harm's way.

If I was going to finally be selfish and take what I want, then I had to be extra cautious. I had already fucked up by deciding to go to her house instead of my shitty apartment. I would have to keep my eyes wide open from here on.

Fuck, I _should_ stay away.

I can't though. I need her in my life.

I'm lost when she isn't around. All I want to do is love and protect her like I always have.

With one hand I thread my fingers through her hair, tugging her head back so I can peer into those hazel orbs. The tears have dried and the once sad look is now replaced with unkempt desire.

I'm unable to stop myself from nipping at the underside of her jaw, placing bruising kisses down her neck that have her exhaling the sweetest noises I have ever heard.

My stomach tenses when her fingers slip under my shirt touching the burning skin there. Her fingertips are chilly as they paint circles on my stomach while my teeth leave marks along the tender expanse of her neck.

Pulling away from her reluctantly, I grasp the back of my collar and tear the material over my head. I know my hair must look a crazy mess right now; it's gotten a bit too long even for me.

Tossing my shirt to the side, I watch her eyes scan over my chest. Her brows pinch in pain, shaky fingertips run along my most brutal scar, somehow surpassing the one I earned on my face. This one had been given to me by her father. Hatred flowing through the blade and tearing my skin apart.

Poe had done his best to mend the skin but the stitching still came out inexperienced and unsteady. The scar was mangled and ugly, yet, I couldn't find it in me to care. I was still alive and that's all that mattered.

"He did this to you," she says more than asks.

"It was a long time ago."

"You were the one that killed my father?" There is no hint of malice in her tone, just a need to know that I'm the one who took the life of her father.

"Yes."

"Thank you," she murmurs, lips pressing against the raised skin marring my chest.

I sucked in a rapid breath, entangling my fingers back into her thick locks. Holding her close to me, her lips run back and forth along the scar. I shiver at the gentleness, her lips washing away the unbearable pain I experienced receiving it.

"Remember what I told you when I first met you, Kotenok?" I ask, my voice a husky rasp.

She peers up at me. "You told me you were a monster that I didn't have to fear. That you would die for me."

"Yes, I am still not a good person, Kotenok. I would die for you without hesitating. I don't want you to fear me. There are things I want to do to you that make me believe I am a fucking monster in every shape and form. I don't want to cause you pain."

She lets out a shaky breath of air, trailing her fingers to my belt. "I trust you, Kylo. Plus, I said that I want you to hurt me. I mean that."

The groan that escapes me is primal. My lips slam against hers, my tongue licking along the seam of her sweet lips demanding entrance. They part on a gasp, fingers gripping into the waistband of my pants only sufficing to make me more desperate to claim her.

I angle her head in a way that deepens the kiss, a joining of tongues that has us falling into one another. My body pulses with need and a strong mix of pride that I get to call this girl mine.

Her fingers fumble with my belt, a move that has me painfully hard in my pants. She's so fucking innocent and I'm about to ruin her.

We come up for air and even though I'm panting hard I still manage to wear a smirk on my face.

"What you trying to do, Kotenok?" I lower my eyes to where she is tugging desperately at my belt but having no luck with the contraption.

"Don't you make fun of me," she huffs, fingers trembling.

I chuckle. "I'm not making fun. I'm just trying to figure out what you're doing. You trying to get into my pants?"

She scowls at my teasing tone, letting go of my belt altogether. Her arms folded over her chest and as always she worries her bottom lip. A habit that is making me insane with need.

"Ah, don't pout baby, I'm just teasing you," I murmur and lower my lips to her cheek.

I let go of her, moving my hands to my belt. Her eyes track the movement, I press my forehead to hers feeling the whoosh of breath leave her parted lips.

"C'mon, Rey, try again." My voice is a low rumble that makes her shiver. Her hands land on top of my own, together we work to get the belt off until it finally finds a spot on the floor.

She tries to go for the button on my pants but I stop her and shake my head.

"Kylo," she whines.

"Not yet. I want you begging for my cock and right now you're not warmed up enough to take it anyways."

She looks astonished by what I just said and then it suddenly morphs into anger. I can't help but smile at the bitter expression on her face.

"I'm sufficiently wet," she says with a bite to her words. Her cheeks turn red by her confession a moment later.

"Are you?"

" _Yes_ ," she snaps and lowers her eyes to the ground.

"I'll be the judge of that," I growl and guide her until the back of her knees collides with the bed.

I shove her onto the bed with little finesse, a hunger I've never known consuming me from the inside out. A need to be inside her but also to have her dripping wet taking over me.

I take her heels off before creating space for my broad shoulders between her thighs. Her breath hitches, thighs falling a little wider for me. I cup the crease where hip and thigh meet, allowing me more leverage for what I'm about to do to her.

Closing my eyes I trail my nose along the smooth expanse of her inner thigh, she jolts beneath me. I steady her by putting more pressure on where I hold her in place.

"Pull your skirt up," I say against her thigh before leaving a chaste kiss upon golden skin.

"Kylo," she whimpers. "This is embarrassing."

"You won't be saying that in two minutes, now, pull your skirt up."

She obeys me pulling the material up to reveal white lacy panties.

"Fuck." I dig my fingers into her making her grimace.

Apologizing, I place tantalizingly slow kisses along each of her thighs. Reveling in the way she quivers and the moans she can't seem to contain. My lips hover over the spot in between her thighs that is radiating warmth. I can see how slick she is and as much as I want to shove her panties aside and take what I want, I manage to keep a level head.

I press a kiss to her mound over her panties, she startles pushing up on her elbows to look down at me.

"I told you I was going to make you beg for it," I clarify, watching her as I suck hard on her clit. Her eyes fall shut, a loud moan expels from her, and she falls back onto the bed accepting what I'm going to do to her.

I slide my hands lower, cupping her ass in the process before spreading her folds with my thumbs through her panties. I lick a strip from her hole to her clit and back down. Repeating the process over and over again until she is shaking beneath my ministrations. I stiffen my tongue pushing into where the slickness is leaking out of her, her panties getting shoved into the tight heat I want to be inside of.

"Kylo! No, _please_ , stop, I feel weird!" she cries out.

"Kotenok, I need you to come," I beg, my brows furrowing with the knowledge she has never experienced this feeling before.

“Kiss me," she pants tugging at my hair.

 I surge up slamming one hand beside her head and cover her mouth with mine. Our tongues meet in a heated mess, her arms tangling around my neck.

With my free hand, I shoved her panties to the side sliding my fingers in between her folds and am overwhelmed by just how wet she is. I kiss her hungrily, always wanting more of her. I want everything she has to offer.

I slide two fingers back and forth through her slick folds, her hips begin to rock against them greedily. We both are going crazy for more of each other but the teasing is too much fun to stop.

I circle her clit in tight ministrations receiving soft moans at the back of her throat. When my cock is tearing her apart I know she won't be so quiet. She's going to be screaming my name the moment I sink inside of her.

"Do you want my cock, little girl?" I growl moving my fingers to tease her tight hole.

"Kylo, don't make me say that," she pleaded, our breath billowing between us.

"I want you to beg, Kotenok, give me what I want," I insisted, sinking my middle finger past the ring of her opening.

 Her walls flutter around my intrusion-she is burning up inside, and so impossibly tight I'm not sure she will be able to handle me.

"You're dripping wet for me. All you have to do is ask and I'll give you what you desire, Kotenok."

I thrust my middle finger in and out of her my cock swelling with how warm and wet she is. It makes me a lot more full of myself than I should be. It wasn't like I hadn't done this before. I knew what to do with my cock. I wasn't a fucking teenager, and yet, with Rey, I still felt like I was going to mess this whole experience up for her.

I look at the expression painting her face, one that makes her so damn pretty that I almost can't stop myself from forgoing all this foreplay. Her skin is flushed a perfect shade of pink, all the freckles that adorn her skin are highlighted even more with her rosy skin.

Her lips are parted, soft pants expel from her with every thrust of my finger. I slide another digit inside her; she lets out a pained whimper that almost makes me stop until I remember what she told me earlier.

"I'm going to make it hurt, Kotenok. My cock is going to split you in two and you're going to fucking _beg_ for more. That's how you want your first time _right_? You want to remember the pain of losing it to a monster like me?"

"You're not a monster," she stammered, clinging to my neck trying to calm her breathing.

"I hate to brag but I'm not small. You're fucking tight, Kotenok. It's going to hurt like crazy."

"Just because this will cause me pain does not mean you are a monster, Kylo. I _want_ this. I want the pain because I know you don't want to harm me. It's going to happen either way until I get used to your size."

"What if I get off on causing you pain like this?" I snarl, wrapping my fingers around her neck feeling her start beneath me.

"Then do it, Kylo," she mutters, pinning me with lust-filled eyes. "Fill me up so much it causes me pain."

Something takes over me when she says those words. Suddenly, I'm tearing her shirt open, latching my lips to the space between her perky tits. Shoving the shirt over her shoulders I reach behind her to unlatch the material hiding her perfect breasts from my view.

Once I shove her panties off, my pants and underwear find their way to the floor. I leave her skirt and knee-high socks on because it only makes this whole situation a thousand times hotter with the way she is dressed.

I hover over her, peering down to see her chest rising and falling hard. Her sweet tits begging me to touch them.

Placing my hands beside her head, I dip down and take a taut nipple between my teeth giving it a gentle tug.

She sucks in a ragged breath, fingers grasping at the strands at the nape of my neck. She fists the hair there and it's my turn to relish the pain she is causing me.

My tongue circles the tender skin, sucking just like I did to her clit. I move to the other one giving it the same attention as the other. I leave love bites on her flesh, marking her as mine. She writhes underneath the weight of me, my cock stirs demanding I find a home inside of her already.

Pushing off of her, I find my jeans opening my wallet to take out the condom placed inside. I'm not sure why I had shoved it in my wallet before I left to the bar. Maybe something in me thought I should get laid, all those thoughts had vanished when Rey had sauntered up to me. The thoughts that attacked me were much worse than just getting laid.

They were ones of desire to take her hard and fast. I want to make her feel just how deep I could go. I didn't quite understand why I wanted to fuck Rey rough. There was just a feeling that ebbed at me to make her cry while I thrust into her with deep strokes.

I return to the bed, lowering back on my haunches ripping the foil wrapper open with my teeth. Rey's eyes latched onto what read across the front of it.

"Magnum," she murmured before her eyes lowered to my cock. "Big boy," she hushed out and bit down on her lip.

I toss the wrapper, rolling the prophylactic over my throbbing member. My chest is heaving as I stare down at her. She really is so fucking beautiful that it hurts.

 I kneel between her spread thighs, taking in the way her hair flows around her head in a pretty halo. Her pulse thuds hard in her neck, the vein there pulsating almost violently. I travel lower to the cute beauty marks that adorn her tits, a couple right by her dusky nipples. Even lower to her stomach that clenches hard when I look at it.

I'm sweating profusely, crawling over her I slam my hands down by either side of her head. Angling my head towards her, I tenderly rub my lips across her lips. Her naked thighs rub along my bare sides making me shudder. I nip at her bottom lip to the point I think I draw blood.

We are skin to skin, my chest rubbing against hers, and it feels so fucking good. It makes me dizzy with just how much I need her in every way.

She arches against me, my cock resting on her stomach throbs due to the sudden movement.

I grab a chunk of her hair in my fist and tug her head back. I drag my arousal back and forth on her stomach. My eyes fall closed at the heady sensation.

"How much do you want my cock?" I demand brushing my lips across the underside of her jaw.

"I want it so bad!" she begs, clawing at my shoulders.

I fist my cock and bring it to her dripping entrance. "You gonna take all of me, Kotenok?"

"Yes, yes, yes," she chants rearing up to press her forehead against mine.

Releasing a low growl, I force my cock past the tight ring feeling her clench so hard around me I'm unable to get even more than an inch inside. My jaw clenches and unclenches; I grind my teeth fisting her hair harder.

"You need to relax your muscles, baby, or else I won't be able to fit."

"I'm scared," she whimpers, screwing her eyes shut as our sweaty foreheads continue to press against one another.

"I'll stop," I weakly say moving to get off of her.

Suddenly, her legs are wrapping around me like poison ivy, making me unable to escape her deadly charms. My cock slides deeper and I let out a harsh grunt grabbing her hips to stop her movements.

"I want the pain, Kylo. _Please_ … _don't_ _stop_." Her heels dig into my lower back desperate to push me all the way in.

"Kotenok," I whisper and with a strong push forward I bottom out inside her. She cries a pained sound, digging her nails into my shoulders creating crescents into my already scarred skin.

She goes stock-still beneath me, her thighs quiver where they are wrapped around me, and I can feel the thudding of her heart against my chest. I try to pull my body away from hers but she is clawing at my back once again, our eyes finally connect, and I see panic making her white as a ghost.

"Fuck, Rey, you look like you're going to pass out. I'm going to stop, okay?"

She shakes her head, hazel orbs wild with an emotion I can't fully comprehend. Sighing I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling out of her I roll over onto my back. She gasps looking down at me now, her wet heat resting against my cock.

"Kylo, what are you doing?"

"This way you can go at your own pace. You can take as much of me as you want or as little. You can have your way with me, Kotenok."

Her brows furrow with confusion, still, she places her hands on my chest straightening her upper body. With unsure movements, she rocks her slick back and forth along my cock. My hands immediately find her hips, craving to feel the way her body moves so innocently. So perfectly.

Her mouth falls open on a soft moan, eyes meeting mine. "I want to feel you, Kylo, without the condom."

My breath hitches, a groan getting caught in my chest coming out on a strangled sound. Heat floods my face, pushing the embarrassment aside I find my voice. "Is that what you really want?"

The world slowed around me when her lips found mine in a gentle kiss that slowly burned into one of desperation. Our tongues pushed against one another's, fighting for dominance that neither one of us seemed willing to give.

I feel her hand wrap around the base of my cock, catching me completely off guard that a pathetic moan escapes me. She pulls away, no doubt seeing the red that spreads across my pale cheeks.

Never breaking eye contact she takes the condom off and without a seconds hesitation, she places her palms on my thighs grinding herself against my length. She teases me to the point I can't take it anymore.

With cock in hand, I grasp under her ass raising her just enough that I can press the tip into her wet hole. She accepts it, shuddering as she begins to impale herself ever-so-slowly upon the throbbing appendage.

I watch with heavy-lidded eyes, seeing the way my cock splits her open due to the angle she is in. She lowers so only half of me is buried inside of her, the muscles clench down hard on the invasion. Worrying her lip, I see sweat slide between her breasts, and down her toned stomach.

Pain is etched across her face, pulling her lips into a frown, and brows pinch together in a way that shows she isn't exactly enjoying this.

My thumb finds her clit, immediately she reacts releasing a surprised whimper. Using my thighs as leverage she moves off and on the several inches, she was able to take so far. Undulating her hips in a way that stretches her out, the sight making me almost come right then and there.

I grip her hip so hard I'm sure I'm going to leave bruises, pressing my thumb in tighter circles on her clit in the hopes that she would gush hard around me, and take my whole cock in that tight heat.

"I want you to take all of me, Kotenok. I want to see you ride my cock until you come around me, C'mon, baby, come for me," I urge in a desperate tone.

She raises up, placing her hands back on my chest. "Fuck me, Kylo," she begs.

"Kotenok," I say in a guttural tone, planting my feet on the bed I clutch her hips, and before she can stop me I slam her down on my cock filling her up to the hilt.

"Kylo!" She screams, her head falling forward as she pulses around me.

"Ride my cock, Rey." I sink my hips back onto the mattress; relaxing my legs even though I want to fuck into her I'd rather her find her release before I take her roughly.

She begins to find a rhythm, circling her hips in a way that has me biting back whimpers. I surge up wrapping my arm around her waist, latching my lips around a pert nipple. We begin to rock in sync, my cock grinding inside her with long, lazy strokes, her body matching mine in perfect unison.

She sinks her fingers into my hair, lips crushing together in a brutal kiss that holds every desire we have suppressed for all these years. I didn't know I could crave someone as much as I crave her. She took me from a life of hatred and gave me something to protect, to live for. My heart surges with pure love for my Kotenok, the one that saved me from myself.

I grasp her ass in a tight hold grinding my pelvis in a way that would rub against her clit. She moans, frantically chasing the feeling that is causing her to tug at my hair not realizing she is practically ripping the thick strands out.

Ignoring the sting, I guide her frantic movements, elevating her hips so that I'm able to hit that spot inside her that will make her find her release in mere moments. She quakes, her cunt clutches me in a vice grip, and then, she is crying out my name over and over.

I blow out a hard breath, pulling out of her letting her fall on her stomach I move behind her. Forcing her onto her knees, her shapely ass is now on full display. I groan when I see the freckles scattered across her firm globes.

"Your freckles drive me insane," I mutter running my hand across the smooth skin. Without thinking, I raise that same hand and slap her hard. She gasps, fisting the blanket beneath her.

I grab both cheeks spreading them apart, her other tight hole beckons me. I rub my thumb around the forbidden place, relishing the way it tightens with my light touches.

"Kylo, don't touch there," she whispers embarrassment coats her voice. Her face is ablaze with heat, the rest of her golden skin highlighted with adorable pink splotches.

"Why not? You don't like it?"

I pull her ass even further apart and spit on the puckered hole. Her body jars forward, trying to escape me. I yank her back, using my spit to spread it around the spot that she probably has never thought could bring her pleasure.

"It's humiliating," she says placing her hand on my thigh.

"I promise it will feel fucking amazing," I say my voice sounding coarse.

I position my cock back at her wet opening and begin to impale forward. Her back arches, I run a soothing pattern up it as I continue to thrust slowly in and out of her allowing her to adjust to my size.

"I feel so full. Your cock is hitting so deep," she murmurs. 

I can't stop the moan that escapes me, spitting on the forbidden spot once again I thumb the taut skin, and begin to wiggle the appendage inside.

"Oh god, Kylo, no, that's too much," she groans shaking her head.

"Trust me, baby. It will only hurt for a moment."

She tries her best to relax, allowing the tip of my thumb to slip inside. She lets out a garbled sound. The noise is muffled by where she cradles the pillow to her chest. Her face buried in the soft material.

I take a deep breath knowing what I'm about to do is going to feel like heaven for me but for her, this might not be the most pleasant experience. I was about to hit deep inside her and that was going to hurt more than my thumb in her ass.

She has to get used to this a part of me says.

The other part tells me to get the hell out of her life and leave her be.

I lose the fight, swiveling my hips I sink deeper into her wetness. I don't want to draw out her discomfort so I pay close attention to the way she reacts. Moving inside her with gentle thrusts, rolling my pelvis so that where my cock hits, it relieves her pain instead of intensifies it.

"Ah fuck, Kylo," she exclaims. I'm shocked by the expletives that fall from her lush lips. She hadn't struck me as the type that would cuss during sex.

With my thumb still lodged in her tight hole, I splay my fingers out on her lower back and use it as leverage to shove her on and off my cock. She lets out a string of curses when I start to hit deeper inside of her.

_ "You take my cock so well, Kotenok." _

She shivers hearing our Russian tongue. _"Kylo, I want your cum inside me."_

I groan yanking my thumb out so I can wind my hand around her tresses. I jerk her upright, thrusting as hard as I can up into her.

 I know I'm hitting spots inside her that make her want to scream. Instead, she covers her mouth with her hand. Her brows are drawn together inexplicably tight that I wonder why she is holding back so much.

_ "I want to hear you scream, scream for me, Kotenok." _

"Kylo!"

I sink my teeth into the tender skin between her shoulders, becoming overwhelmed with the way her walls clench around my cock-dragging me deeper and deeper inside that I'm scared I'm going to lose myself in her.

I begin slamming myself in and out of her. The lewd sound of my balls slapping against her is the only noise in the room beside our panting.

"You want me to come inside ya?" I barely manage to say feeling my climax approaching with every stroke.

"Yes! Yes, that's what I want!" She sounds delirious and it hits me right in my core.

My hips stutter before I find my rhythm once again and chase the feeling surging through me. I pull out turning her on her back and throw her legs over my shoulders deepening my thrusts. The way I surge into her brutal, violent.

Sweat slides down my chest, falling onto hers. Our eyes are locked on one another, both are breath has gone shallow as we both approach the point of no return. Her core makes a sloppy sound with every push and pull out of her. The sound makes me so fucking hard. My balls have grown so tight it's almost painful.

"I'm going to come," she whimpers.

" _Fuck yes_ , come all over my cock," I demand, digging my face into the crook of her neck, grasping her hips with a startling grip slamming into her as she tightens around me.

She comes on a sweet moan that spurs my release. I bite down hard on my bottom lip drawing blood; little whimpers fight their way out of my throat as I cum deep inside of her. With a couple tiny bumps of my hips, I stop thrusting. My face remains buried in her soft neck.

"Kylo," she murmurs stroking my hair.

"Hm?" I grunt.

"That was amazing."

I sigh, breathing in her familiar scent. "Good."

She chuckles. "To the point as always. You haven't changed at all, Kylo. I'm glad."

The affection that coats her voice stirs my insides. I push up to my hands hovering over her lithe form.

"Your life will never be the same if you stay with me, Kotenok."

"I'm willing to take the chance if that means I can stay with you." Her hand reaches up tracing the scar on my face.

"I may not always be able to protect you."

"I can protect myself."

"Damn it, Rey. You should be running for the hills." My forehead pressed against hers, cupping her jaw.

"There is no life without you in it, Kylo."

"There is a very bad man coming after me."

"We will fight him together and don't forget there's always Poe."

"This man can destroy us, Rey. He isn't one to be trifled with."

"We'll be okay," she says in a stern voice and drags my lips into a passionate tango.

I can only hope that her words ring true.

I love her.

I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

That would…destroy me.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO

**Author's Note:**

> Authors note:  
> *Papa, pozhaluysta, on pugayet menya-papa please he scares me
> 
> *Kotenok, vremya spat'.-time for bed kitten
> 
> *Kotenok-Kitten
> 
> *Tumblr
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spikeisinspace
> 
> link to page (hopefully it works)
> 
>  
> 
> [Here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spikeisinspace)


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